Man injects himself with laxatives without effect until the accident happens while visiting the wedding venue
We’ve heard of getting butterflies in our stomachs before a wedding, but never anything like this.
TikTok User @fredasquith traumatized the app by sharing a truly pants-crushing experience that will hopefully teach us all a very valuable lesson: never exceed the recommended dose. Fred begins his story, like many great storytellers before him, by telling us about his bowel movements. Or lack thereof. One night before going to bed, Fred needed some… relief, so he took two laxatives, even though the label recommended taking only one.
The next morning, there was no change, so Fred decided to help the laxatives along by stuffing cereal into his mouth – topped with dates, a banana, extra psyllium husk powder and kefir yogurt to hopefully give his body that extra kick. And still, it didn’t work. Then, in one of the bravest decisions in human history, Fred decided to hop on a train for three hours, after which he gulped down even more high-fiber food – including a grain and leaf salad, 25 grapes and two whole figs. At this point, Fred’s diet for the day sounds like a nutritionist’s version of the 12 days of Christmas, but still nothing happened.
But then comes the point of no return, the moment when Fred’s foolhardy hubris becomes his undoing. The next line in Fred’s story deserves to be counted among the most heartbreaking lines in film history, because as soon as he utters it, we all know that tragedy is imminent.
“And then we’ll look at a wedding venue…” he says threateningly.
Fred explains that this was his and his fiancée’s first choice of wedding venue, so they were very keen to make a “really good impression.” Unfortunately, Fred’s gut apparently didn’t agree, because that’s when his body finally decided to kick in. Joking that he wanted to inspect the venue’s plumbing, he ran to find the restroom – only to find that there was only one baby changing cubicle available. “The heavens are opening,” says our exhausted friend, before the worst that could happen happens. “I’m looking to my left,” he intones. “No toilet paper.”
Luckily, Fred was in the changing room, so he opened the changing table and found… a single cloth. Thanks to careful and methodical handling of that small piece of paper, the details of which Fred thankfully spares us, he came out a full 15 minutes later. “Then I go out and meet the guy I’m supposed to be dealing with for the next nine months for my wedding,” Fred recalls, “and everything he sees on my face… pure trauma.”
So all in all, it was a good day and a bad day for poor Fred – he and his bride-to-be may have found the perfect venue for their wedding, but he may have scarred the wedding planner for life. In the comments, some wonder if the fact that the venue wasn’t fully stocked with toilet paper is actually a “red flag” – after all, it’s meant to host parties. Others draw a more compassionate moral from this sad story. One user summed it up like this: “Be kind to everyone you meet because you don’t know what they’re going through.”
