DEAR MRS MANNERS: My husband and I just found out that we are expecting our first child. We are very excited!
Coincidentally, a close friend’s wedding is in a few weeks and (if all goes well) we’ll be ready to share the news around that time. Many of our friends who will be at the wedding, including the bride and groom, live in other states and this will be a rare opportunity to tell them about the baby in person.
Of course, we would just tell people when we see them over the weekend – not with a big announcement and not at the actual wedding.
Is that appropriate? Or should we dedicate the weekend to the happy couple and tell our friends later on the phone?
DEAR READER: It’s very sensitive of you to be concerned about this, but is it really that easy to steal the show from a couple at their own wedding?
Miss Manners knows that people, especially newlyweds, worry about this. They stand there in their wedding dress saying their lifelong vows, and their relatives and closest friends are easily distracted by signs that someone else has a life. Or even by them wearing something that doesn’t fit the color scheme.
Of course, you shouldn’t just grab a microphone and demand applause, but surely a family gathering is a good opportunity to spread good news.
DEAR MRS MANNERS: I have vegan relatives and when we go to their house they only prepare vegan food.
If it’s a three-day visit, we eat the same boring foods for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
When they come to my house, I always offer vegan dishes. Shouldn’t they offer me non-vegan dishes too? Or do I have to bring my own?
DEAR READER: I’m sorry, but your turn doesn’t work here.
The reason for this is that there is a moral issue at play here: if your relatives believe that it is wrong to kill living beings for food, you would be asking them to violate that by giving you such food. You are not violating such principles by giving them vegan food.
And the solution is not to bring foods into their homes that they consider morally reprehensible.
And what about the host’s obligation to satisfy his guests? No – here too, the same applies: not at the expense of morals.
Still, Miss Manners is here to help. You can get some temporary relief by being a good guest, and one way to do that is to take at least one meal off your hosts’ hands. Find a nearby restaurant that serves both vegan and non-vegan dishes and invite them over.
Another option is to temporarily relieve them of your company. No matter how much hosts like their guests, they also like to have a few minutes to themselves. So find a time when they don’t have anything planned, say, “We thought we’d take a little drive around,” and drive to the nearest burger joint.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners through her website at www.missmanners.com, to her email address [email protected], or by mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
