Trust, openness and respect are fundamental in healthy relationships. They are non-negotiable! Nothing undermines trust faster than the creeping suspicion that your partner is cheating on you. For some people, emotional cheating is just as bad as physical infidelity.

A desperate and newlywed internet user, u/didntknowpickingaus, asked the community r/TwoHotTakes for advice after she considered ending her marriage right after the honeymoon.

Keep scrolling to read the full story, see what advice the internet gave the author, and for an important update. In the meantime, Bored Panda has contacted u/didntknowpickingaus via Reddit and we will update the article as soon as we hear back.

It can be incredibly difficult to rebuild trust once it is broken. For some people, emotional affairs are similar to physical

Photo credit: Prostock Studio (Not the actual photo)

A woman desperately wanted the internet’s advice on what to do after she suspected her husband was chatting with another woman

Photo credit: didntknowpickingaus

Privacy and secrecy are two very different things. The former can be healthy, while the latter is associated with feelings of guilt and shame.

The author of the viral post spoke openly about how she and her husband had an open phone policy in their relationship. This isn’t something every couple knows about, but essentially it means that both partners give each other access to their phones.

This means that you have to be 100% honest in all social media conversations, text messages, emails, and even search histories. On the one hand, this encourages complete openness. On the other hand, it implies that there may be an underlying distrust in the relationship.

After all, it’s not a sin to have a little privacy in your life. Privacy is something very different from secrecy. In general, when it comes to secrets, you shouldn’t feel guilty about keeping them to yourself as long as they don’t directly affect your partner. In those cases, it’s your decision.

However, if it concerns your partner, you should talk about it openly. A little empathy goes a long way. Put yourself in your partner’s shoes and think about how you would feel if certain information was withheld from you.

If there are feelings of shame and guilt associated with sharing information, then you are most likely maintaining secrecy (and not simply privacy) by keeping the information under wraps.

Once trust is broken, it takes a lot of consistent effort over a long period of time to rebuild it. The bigger the breach of trust, the longer it takes to repair it.

Photo credit: Porapak Apichodilok (Not the actual photo)

Open phone policies have their pros and cons. They may work for some couples, but not for others

Therapist Lea Trageser told She Knows that it’s up to the couple to set the boundaries for their open phone policy. It all depends on the dynamics of your relationship and what you feel most comfortable with.

Licensed marriage and family therapist Laurie Singer explained that for some couples, sharing passwords and access to each other’s devices can strengthen the relationship. In some cases, it can be a temporary course of action after a breach of trust.

However, these arrangements are not suitable for everyone. There are certain disadvantages. Firstly, the open telephone policy is an invasion of privacy. Not everyone feels comfortable with it, even if they are in a committed relationship, are honest with their partner, respect them and have no intention of ever cheating on them.

Furthermore, these behaviors can indicate a lack of trust and some couples use them as a weapon, which can lead to resentment rather than a stronger relationship.

Photo credit: Adrienn (Not the actual photo)

The author revealed some additional details in the comments

Many readers offered the woman their support and gave her some heartfelt advice

Others were not convinced. They thought the woman was wrong

Later the author had a very important update to share

Photo credit: gpointstudio (Not the actual photo)

Setting healthy boundaries is just as important as honesty

A possible warning sign, according to Trageser, is if your partner wants an open phone policy in order to gain power and control in your relationship.

Singer says, “They may feel like they are being monitored, which can make it difficult for them to express themselves or make their own decisions.”

She added that setting healthy boundaries and respecting each other’s privacy are just as important as accountability and honesty.

Open phone rules may not solve the underlying problems in your relationship. “Working through the mistrust goes deeper than the open phone rule and should be done together or with a trained therapist.”

What relationship advice would you give the author of the viral post, Pandas? What would you do if you were in her shoes and found out your partner was emotionally cheating on you with someone online? What do you think would need to happen for trust to be restored? Share your thoughts in the comments.

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