None of this makes sense, does it? After three years of crushing opponents by multiple touchdowns, the Wolverines are underdogs at home for the second time in three weeks. And now, according to the internet, confused fans are wondering if Sherrone Moore knows what he’s doing.
I understand some of the fear, even if it’s disgustingly premature and probably alcohol-induced. I mean, Moore just benched his quarterback even though Davis Warren didn’t throw a single incomplete pass in a blowout win over Arkansas-Something last week. By my calculations, every one of his 14 passes was caught by a real football player. No incomplete passes, not a single ball hit the turf.
As it turns out, 11 balls were caught by Michigan players and three by Arkansas players, which isn’t how it’s supposed to work. So, less than three weeks after defending the national championship without a hitch, unharmed and unchallenged, Moore made the tough (and necessary) decision to pick someone who won’t throw the ball to the other team. And if new starter Alex Orji accidentally does it, at least he has the agility to run around until a better option comes along.
Orji is built like a linebacker would be if the linebacker was still only 6’3″ and 230 pounds. He’s a fantastic athlete and the Wolverines will run him a lot, so Orji will stuff himself. He’s only thrown seven passes in three seasons and two of them were touchdowns, so Moore could consider using those plays again.
This is a critical week, especially if Michigan (2-1) hopes to get back to 15-0. That’s not the only plan that needs to be reworked. New Big Ten member USC comes to the Big House on Saturday, and the Wolverines are out of luck. The game is at 3:30 p.m., not noon (9 a.m. California time). I assumed the idea of conference expansion was to get those West Coast wimps to get up early and freeze in the snow, hampered by eight pairs of long johns and portable heaters stuffed into their underpants. Instead, the Trojans are greeted by warm, sunny weather, and if a hazy smog hangs in the air, it’s not what they think.
This is the strange new Big Ten, with 18 teams battling for one or two playoff spots while the SEC snags the other 10. Two conference games are already complete, and imagine my surprise when I looked at the standings and saw Michigan State and Indiana at the top with 1-0 records, followed by 14 teams at 0-0 and Maryland and UCLA at 0-1.
More: No. 18 Michigan Football takes a 1-0 lead into its Big Ten opener against No. 11 USC
To reduce confusion, UCLA’s head coach confirmed at Big Ten Media Days that UCLA, like USC, is in the Los Angeles area. There is no evidence that the Bruins were actually there last week when Indiana won 42-13 at Rose Bowl Stadium. Not in the Rose Bowl Game, of course, because, well, Indiana was playing.
So many new things to process. For example, the Hoosiers now have a coach named Curt Cignetti and a transfer quarterback named Kurtis Rourke. Since the Curt/Kurt invasion, the Hoosiers are 3-0 and just beat Western Illinois 77-3. I remember entire seasons where Indiana didn’t even score 77 points. With all the excitement in Bloomington, I heard that the Applebee’s on campus has extended their happy hour from 3:00-6:00 p.m. to 9:00 a.m.-11:15 p.m.
The Spartans are also inexplicably 3-0 after adopting the “new coach, new quarterback” strategy and hiring Jon WWW. Smith and Aidan Chiles. MSU has already won one road game and has another Saturday night at BC, which would have been a tough contest (BC, ahead of Chiles).
In fact, pretty much every undefeated team in America has bought a quarterback or a star in the making. That’s not a criticism of Jim Harbaugh, who did a lot of good things to bring Michigan back to 1948-era prominence. He certainly collected receipts (and left some behind) and cleverly broke a few silly rules to get suspended and give Moore some experience.
Harbaugh packed up for the NFL, where he’ll likely win a Super Bowl with the Chargers, and sent busloads of UM players packing. There’s still talent here, but the small problem is that he left the Big House without a proven quarterback, which is kind of like selling a big house without a working bathroom. You’ve got to have at least something functional, right?
That was not intentional, as far as I know. One of UM’s former quarterbacks, JJ McCarthy, is in the NFL. Another, Cade McNamara, is busy running crisp handoffs at Iowa. Another, Alan Bowman, who caught 11 passes in two seasons at UM, is a star for undefeated Oklahoma State.
By the time Harbaugh and McCarthy decided to leave, the portal had already been plundered and UM’s top quarterback recruit, Jadyn Davis, wasn’t quite ready. Quarterback is a tougher position in college than in the pros because there’s a lot more to it than signing NIL contracts and driving fancy cars. College quarterbacks have to learn RPOs (run-pass option), FHOs (fake handoff option) and RIOs (run-interception option).
There are only so many quarterbacks. And then there are the Bulls like Texas, who beat UM with Heisman candidate Quinn Ewers and now have another Heisman candidate, Arch “Not Eli” Manning. Oregon could win the Big Ten with transfer quarterback Dillon Gabriel. Or Ohio could win it with transfer Will Howard. Or Indiana could win it out of common courtesy.
USC has a great passer in Miller Moss, who replaced great passer Caleb Williams, whose career was ruined by the Chicago Bears. We know the Trojans always have a lot of speedy receivers, and Lincoln Riley gets a lot of Lincolns for wearing a fancy coaching visor. But we’re still not sure the Trojans are tough enough to handle the powerful Big Ten opponents who reek of beer and sausage and don’t mind intercepting a ball now and then.
It’s one thing to look menacing and muscular while strutting down Venice Beach and posing with USC’s song girls. It’s quite another to take on Michigan’s 250-pound running backs, tight ends and quarterbacks.
As you know, Michigan’s proud past is built on its loss to USC in the Rose Bowl. Let’s see how the Trojans handle being forced to pack a light sweater, travel across the country, deal with the horrific effects of jet lag, and then face a nasty wind chill that drops temperatures to over 75 degrees. They have no idea what’s coming. (Neither do we!)
Selection: USC, 31-26
The tips
▶ Michigan State at Boston College: It’s a night game in Chestnut Hill and the Spartans will try not to get hit in the groove. The Eagles have decided to take football seriously again and have hired an experienced coach in Bill O’Brien. He has worked in the NFL, at Penn State and Alabama and last season served a three-week sentence as OC at The Ohio. BC surprised the nation with a 28-13 victory over Florida State, which is impressive until you realize that FSU has lost to randomly assembled teams like Georgia Tech and Memphis. Selection: BC, 27-16
▶ Tennessee in Oklahoma: There’s a lot of hype here, and a lot of Heupel, too. Tennessee coach Josh Heupel was Oklahoma’s masterful quarterback — 24 years and 60 pounds ago. He has a high-powered offense to welcome the Sooners to SEC football, which is a bit different from two-handed-touch Big 12 football. This could be the year Tennessee finally makes good on its promise, but I doubt it. Selection: Tennessee, 35-31
▶ Illinois in Nebraska: This could also be the year Nebraska finally makes good on its promise, but I doubt it. Incredibly, this is the first time two top-ranked Nebraska teams have met in 11 years. Both are 3-0, and by rule one will be 4-0. Freshman quarterback Dylan Raiola has Cornhuskers fans so excited they’re walking around without overalls. Selection: Illinois, 20-17
@bobwojnowski
