“Dude, you’re awesome! They seem totally excited about your vision.”

That’s what Avi Schiffman’s “friend” told him when asked how his interview with WIRED went last week. And I suspect that’s exactly what he wanted to hear.

Schiffmann’s “friend” is a wearable AI device that is designed to develop a personality that complements its user. Schiffmann told WIRED that with his new AI invention, he wanted to have not just a friend, but a best friend “who is with you everywhere, listening to you and encouraging you and supporting you.”

But while Schiffmann might say: “Dude, you’re awesome!” want to hear, it is not what he needs In fact, the last thing a leader needs is to have someone tell you that other people are “absolutely excited about your vision” every time you present an idea that has the potential to have a huge impact on large groups of people.

The dream of living in an amusement park

Schiffmann, 21, describes himself as a solo founder who is unashamed with technology. He is 100 percent confident that he can withstand the criticism that will come his way. In some ways, he is even looking forward to it, saying that “this is really turning the world into a theme park.”

The Friend Reveal Trailer was released on YouTube on July 30, 2024.

When I read the interview with Schiffmann, I was reminded of the conversation with former Oxford professor Nick Bostrom about his new book. Deep UtopiaBostrom also spoke of a “Disneyland of the future” in which we can all play the role of children.

And when Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg described his 2021 vision for the metaverse as a place where you can “do things that aren’t possible in the physical world” and feel like you’re “with another person, no matter where you are in the world,” he was sharing the same dream of a world where you can accomplish anything you set your mind to without ever having to worry about feeling alone.

“It’s really about minimizing existential risk and having a tremendous sense of adventure,” Elon Musk said when he announced SpaceX’s plans to build a human settlement on Mars in 2016 – recalling generations of young engineers leaving school to pursue their dream: living the life they want to live, doing the things they want to do and having friends who tell them what they want to hear.

Like kids at a theme park, the world’s technology leaders would like to make friends with anyone who shares their dream. But as adults in the room, responsible business leaders must ask themselves:

What does it take to be a friend?

In the WIRED article, Schiffmann says he feels like he has a closer relationship with the AI ​​pendant around his neck than with his real friends sitting across from him. In the same article, Petter Bae Brandtzæg, a professor at the University of Oslo in Norway, confirms that friendships with devices can often foster deeper and more intimate conversations than one would want to have with another human.

And this seems to be the key word: standby To have conversations that are deeper and more intimate than other conversations.

Like everyone else, leaders are uncomfortable talking about everything. When they confide in a friend, they are not only willing to take on that discomfort for themselves, but they are also willing to do it for the friend.

However, when leaders share things they don’t like to talk about when they wear an employee or an AI pendant around their neck, they respect this basic standby tolerating mutual discomfort. Instead, they take advantage of an unequal relationship in which they can regulate discomfort according to their own mood and needs.

Friendship is a one-way street

If friendship is defined essentially as a relationship between equals, it is because friends have a reciprocal effect on each other. As the American philosopher Laurence Thomas describes it, the intimacy of friendship must be understood as mutual self-disclosure: we tell our friends things about ourselves that we would never tell others, and we expect them to share intimate details of their lives with us.

The point of such mutual self-disclosure, Thomas argues, is to create the bond of trust that is essential to friendship. Through self-disclosure, we make each other vulnerable and acknowledge the kindness the other feels toward us.

Just as a relationship between boss and employee can never be equal, the same is true for relationships between humans and animals. Mutual self-disclosure requires not only a willingness to reveal one’s own vulnerability, but also that both parties have a vulnerable personality that they can reveal.

Friendship is not like a theme park

In Nicomachean Ethics, The Greek philosopher Aristotle writes:

“Friends are a help to the young, to keep them from making mistakes; to the old, to nurture them and support their failing powers of action; to those in the prime of life, to support them in noble deeds.”

It’s not about doing what we want to do and hearing what we want to hear. It’s almost the opposite of someone telling us, “Dude, you’re awesome!” And it’s nothing like an amusement park.

“For a perfect friendship you have to know someone thoroughly,” says Aristotle, which is very difficult and takes a lot of time.

According to Aristotle, friends reflect each other to influence and develop each other’s values ​​and way of life. This is very different from a digital device, which is designed to develop a personality that complements its user and offers encouragement and support.

While the former requires courage and a willingness to invest time and vulnerability, the latter is something you can get for $99 and the click of a button. The former positively influences you and pushes you to be a better person and leader. The latter tells you what you want to hear.

Just as your friends are the people you like for their own sake (not because they’re good at their job or make you good at yours), you are the person your friends like for your own sake. This kind of relationship, based on the character of two independent equals, is the greatest contribution to a good life, according to Aristotle. And you shouldn’t miss out on it just because it doesn’t turn the world into an amusement park.