Therapist warns: There are only two dynamics that can work in a long-term marriage
A marriage and family therapist made a remarkable observation about the three most important relationship dynamics between men and women and claimed that only two of them could work in the long run.
The therapist warned her patients about a certain relationship dynamic that rarely lasts.
Jamie, who goes by @lotsofjamie on TikTok, posted the video, which was reposted by @_queenspeak. Jamie said her therapist has provided marriage and family therapy as well as individual counseling for 30 years, and through her experience, the therapist has learned the only two dynamics that last in a long-term relationship.
“She said the couple could love each other equally; it was a dynamic that would last,” Jamie repeated. “She said the man could love the woman even more, so even more. She said that was a union that would work.”
The therapist explained that the relationships that “always fail” fail when the woman is more in love with the man.
“The reason for this is that men who are madly in love are willing to make sacrifices, change, listen, communicate and put in the effort to maintain a long-term relationship,” Jamie explained. “Women actually do this work no matter how in love they are… Men only do this when they are madly, deeply and head over heels in love.”
The therapist’s observation seems to align perfectly with the specific challenges of many relationships. Often, heterosexual couples resort to therapy at the request of the woman, usually due to a lack of commitment from her husband.
The therapist assumes unconditional love and devotion of a woman in a relationship.
Although every relationship is different and experiences its own challenges, one of the most common reasons for divorce among both men and women is a lack of commitment from the man. While women can stay emotionally invested in their relationship despite a lack of love, men simply cannot fake what they don’t truly feel.
And women have been observing this pattern in men for decades.
“My grandma told me this when I was about 15,” one person commented on the video. “She said I should marry a man who loves me a little more than I love him. I’ve been happily married for 19 years. Her advice seems to have worked.”
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“My mother and father were together for over 40 years,” commented another. “My father loved my mother more than my mother loved him.”
“It physically hurts me when I see relationships where the woman is obviously in love and he is just on the receiving end… you can see it from a distance,” said another person.
Unfortunately, this dynamic is much more common than many people realize, and women force themselves to stay in a relationship where they don’t truly feel valued because they don’t know any better.
Women need to be aware of this observation and pay attention to how their partners present themselves in their relationship.
Jamie said that when her therapist told her about this reality, she felt sorry for women, realizing that they tend to put more work and effort into their relationships than men do in terms of the intensity of their love.
While men tend to value their wives only when they are very much in love, women value their partners because they realize that this is the only valid type of relationship.
Unfortunately, this pattern has led to countless unfair relationship dynamics where the wife will do anything for her husband, whether he reciprocates the energy or not, because she loves him unconditionally. Meanwhile, the men who lack unconditional love for their wives mindlessly accept their wives’ desperate attempts and efforts, not realizing how lucky they are to be loved like that.
No woman should stay in a relationship with a man who doesn’t love her, and no woman should force herself to love a man she doesn’t really love just because that man loves her more.
Of course, what works for some may not work for others, but women deserve so much better than they give themselves credit for. They need to stick together and empower each other to recognize their worth and move on from situations or relationships that don’t truly serve them.
There are men who are capable of unconditional love. However, if a woman stays in a relationship where she never feels valued, she misses the chance for a fulfilling love relationship.
Francesca Duarte is a writer on YourTango’s news and entertainment team based in Orlando, FL. She covers lifestyle, human issues, adventure and spirituality.
