Q: What is the difference between organized crime and elite college sports?

A: Organized crime has rules.

Q: How do you create a level playing field?

A: Make them all crooked.

I don’t know why or how—hell, I just learned how to use our toaster—but about twice a day, CBS Sports rings my phone to make me laugh:

An “expert analyst” view of the upcoming college football season, peppered with rankings, transfer portal contracts, graduate additions, and big signings — “big” these days often meaning deals in exchange for expensive new sports cars that are touted as ZERO bribes for the long-term benefit of society, even if that benefit cannot exist.

One cannot take this news seriously, except for the fact that it is in CBS’s best interest to drum up support for what “college” sports have become, and CBS continues to invest heavily in them despite the fact that they resemble organized crime legalized by a court system unwilling or unable to serve the interests of humanity beyond quick, fleeting money and flashy merchandise.

In the $2.8 billion settlement with the NCAA, which pays college athletes well beyond full scholarships and previous cash benefits, the reality is underscored by the absence of any documented language referring to academic education – useful, life-enriching learning.

Thus, for decades and even centuries, the supposed statutory reasons for the existence of American colleges have been sacrificed to the shortsighted decision of the legal system to impose complete anarchy on even pre-existing, fraudulent athletic programs.

And so academic and financial fraud on behalf of the colleges that win football and basketball games, sell tickets – including the mandatory purchase of mismatches designed for the bowl bids – and maintain or enhance value for the networks is now a given, mandatory, to quite compete against the other cheaters.

The approved fraud does not need to appear in legal documents, as that would be a waste of ink and paper and a violation of Go Green policies aimed at keeping the campus free from dirt, not crime.

It is a crime known among mafia bosses and prosecutors as organized crime – they abuse their “main business” as a front, just like Division I universities.

Last week, the CBS Sports app flashed news that Georgia’s football team is ranked No. 1 despite the “distractions” suffered by head coach Kirby Smart. Smart, who is paid $13 million a year plus perks, has been responsible for the presence of players over the past two seasons who have been charged with reckless driving a total of 24 times, including one fatal crash, but have suffered nothing more than a fancy new NIL or NFL car.

Kirby and Georgia finally released WR Rara Thomas last week after he was arrested for a second time on domestic violence charges, including child cruelty.

In Colorado, head coach Deion Sanders confirmed what almost everyone knew – or didn’t want to know – except for the smart, tough journalists at CBS’ “60 Minutes,” who twice last year presented extensive, obsequious profiles of Sanders declaring him to be in direct contact with God and a man of extremely altruistic acts, including endless boasts in half-literate speeches.

Did “60 Minutes” delve into Coach Prime’s recent past, including the creation of a fraudulent charter school for promising young black athletes that he modestly called “Prime Academy” before having the children, their guardians, teachers and believers turn to God for reimbursement?

Almost everyone who knew anything about Sanders knew he was a potion peddler. How could 60 Minutes miss that unless it leapt forward and decided to ignore it?

The two 60 Minutes articles were pure, truth-oblivious pandering and the latest in a series of selectively cowardly mass media outlets supporting Sanders without legitimate reason.

Now an investigation report by Athlon Sports has brought to light further, not very surprising facts:

Under Sanders, Colorado’s football team is reportedly plagued by internal violence, large and disputed gambling debts, bundles of cash and weapons. The scene, one former player said, is “like real-life Grand Theft Auto.”

No doubt a reputable national prime-time news program that has twice endorsed and promoted Coach Prime using fake profiles would gladly make amends and express regret for having eagerly participated in this hoax.

No doubt, but no chance.

No equality in the punishment of racism

Justice today always seems to be a question of “dependence,” in the sense of “depending on who, why, when, and where.”

WFAN’s night shift worker Keith McPherson recently made fun of a caller for his Spanish accent. The episode was neither amusing nor clever in the slightest, as McPherson, a black man, displayed loud, cheap and unfiltered bigotry.

The next caller interrupted his call and rebuked McPherson for his unjustified disrespect for the previous caller’s background, to which McPherson responded in a similarly defiant manner: “Tough luck! It’s my show; I say what I want!”

What has WFAN done about it? So far, nothing. McPherson is moving on, unlike ESPN’s Doug Adler and longtime NBA Kings announcer Grant Napear, who were fired for alleged racism on the air.

You see, when it comes to equality, it all depends.

Ahh, modern media. Charles Barkley’s farewell tour was even shorter than Mike Francesa’s emotional first farewell, as he will now be back on TNT. They are similar hypocrites.

You’ll recall that Barkley was a self-professed gambler/loser who had run up huge debts in a Las Vegas casino, from which he had to be bailed out when the laws became more stringent. Soon he was appearing as himself, a famous paid spokesman, appearing in TV commercials encouraging young men to bet on sports. What a champion.

Then he was arrested because he suddenly fell in love with a prostitute in the back of a delivery truck.

How many ordinary people could survive even one of these two episodes and still continue to enjoy high public esteem and demand?

But the media prefers not to report such truths, but only that everyone loves and admires Sir Charles.

Pop Quiz: Which team can actually play ball?

Name one MLB team this season that is well managed, well prepared and fundamentally competent. Take your time.

I couldn’t think of anything. And you?

Now, how many MLB teams do you consider inferior or beatable – in terms of the way they are managed, the way they play and how well they are prepared for the game?

I thought of 14. And you?

The Rangers, the reigning world champions, are 54-61.

These days, if you have to fight off eight or more pitches before getting a flyout, TV and radio announcers refer to it as a “good at-bat,” as if you helped wear out the starter or tire out a “high-leverage or low-leverage” (ugh!) reliever. (“Hey, what do you expect? I’m just a low-leverage guy!”)

But the starter is replaced after six innings anyway, and most relievers are only allowed to pitch one inning, so that’s not a good at-bat, it’s just an out.

I don’t know why so many have derided NBC’s decision to hire rapper Snoop Dogg to host the Olympics. Rikers Island ratings are through the roof of the tallest watchtower!