I’m officially a mother-in-law! That’s a new title for me. I’m a mom to the seven children I have with my husband Jason. I’m also a special needs mom and a warrior mom to my three sons who have Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy (DMD). And now I’m also a mother-in-law to my daughter Lexi’s husband, Nick.
They got married on August 3rd, so I’ve only been in this new role for a few days. But I love it!
Betty’s seven children and her new son-in-law at her daughter Lexi’s wedding. (Photo by Betty Vertin)
The wedding was perfect. Lexi and Nick smiled all day. Their happiness was serene, it seemed as if they were floating down the aisle and across the dance floor at their reception. Their love shone and was reflected in the faces of their guests.
When my daughter went to college five years ago, I planned to spend a lot of time in Lincoln, Nebraska, where she went to school. She was on the track team, and I wanted to go to all of her meets and meet her friends, just like I had when she was in high school.
But during Lexi’s freshman year, the COVID-19 pandemic hit. She came home and completed her first year of college classes online. The track season, like most college sports in the spring, was canceled. When she returned as a sophomore, track and field competitions were able to take place without spectators.
During her four years of college, two of her brothers, 18-year-old Max and 15-year-old Rowen, lost the ability to walk.
While the boys’ loss of walking didn’t stop us from visiting Lexi in Lincoln, it did make it more difficult. She and her friends moved out of the dorms and into a house that wasn’t wheelchair accessible. We also found it intimidating to travel with our non-ambulatory sons while we learned to care for them. Now we are much more experienced and travel often.
Still, my plans to play a significant role in Lexi’s college life became a challenge. It seemed like I had blinked and she had graduated from school. Then she was engaged.
I knew Lexi’s friends and liked them, but I didn’t get to spend much time with them until recently. During Lexi’s engagement, I saw them at bridal showers and other functions and got to know them better. And they were as amazing as I first thought.
At last weekend’s wedding, I spent more time with the amazing people who have surrounded and loved my daughter as she has grown into a strong, independent and now married woman.
Special wedding dances
My sons with Duchenne have been to dances with friends, especially Max, who went to prom and homecoming in high school. But at those events, they weren’t on the dance floor. They were standing on the sidelines of the party, trying to figure out how to get on the dance floor.
Max in a wheelchair on the dance floor at his sister’s wedding. (Photo by Betty Vertin)
Lexi’s wedding reception was very different. Max, Rowen and Charlie, 13, spent most of the evening on the dance floor. They were often so far away from the young people swaying to the music that I couldn’t see them from where I was sitting. Lexi’s friends were incredible.
I have never met people who were so open to my sons. Of course, people are generally friendly and try to include them. But Lexi’s friends did more than just try; they did They locked them in, held the boys’ hands, and danced. They kept coming back from the dance floor to bring the boys back when they had taken a break. And they weren’t just dancing; they were talking and laughing. When all the groomsmen took off their shirts and jackets and were wearing only the vests of their tuxedos, it wasn’t long before my sons were standing out there with them, also bare-armed and wearing only their vests.
No one told my daughter’s friends to make sure the boys had fun while dancing, and no one showed them how to include my sons. And yet they did it as if it was as natural to them as breathing, as if they had danced with wheelchair users all their lives.
It was a fantastic evening for many reasons, but most of all because of the people we spent it with. I’m not surprised that my daughter’s friends and new family are good people.
My daughter has lived near Duchenne since her younger brothers were diagnosed at age 9. She always made an extra effort to include them in everything she did. That kind of generous love attracts good things. I’m grateful for all the good that surrounds my daughter. And I’m glad those people surrounded my boys on the dance floor!
Note: Muscular Dystrophy News Today is purely a news and information website about this disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. This content is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always consult your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Muscular Dystrophy News or its parent company Bionews and are intended to stimulate discussion about issues related to muscular dystrophy.
