The Borderlands movie was so bad that someone made a 3-minute song out of the bad reviews
The Borderlands movie was bad. Irrevocably bad. So bad that I’m about to file a lawsuit against my editors for forcing me to review it for PC Gamer. I’m optimistic, though: Although my own screening was terrifyingly busy—which made me fear the film might be an undeserved success—it’s on the verge of flopping, has already thrown in the towel, and is starting to move to streaming.
The reason for this, of course, is that I’m far from the only person who thinks the film is bad. The whole world hates the film, so much so that it sat at 0% on Rotten Tomatoes for a long time before climbing to its current 10%. The reviews are negative, folks. Negative and numerous. So numerous that an enterprising musician named Sad Alex made an entire 3-minute song out of a small selection of them.
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Where do I begin? First, you have to commend their creativity. This is probably the first piece of art that the Borderlands movie is even tangentially responsible for, and it’s a fantastic idea in and of itself.
Second, it’s oddly poignant? I’m not the only one who’s tearing up, am I? Sad Alex sings about all the things you could be doing instead of watching Borderlands, with emotions you’d normally reserve for singing about the end of a 15-year relationship or the death of a loved one. You could play this over footage of me looking lost and abandoned in a rainstorm and it would all make perfect sense. I’d be tempted to add it to my Apple Music library if that didn’t feel kind of crazy.
Anyway, one point for the Borderlands movie: Finally something positive came out of it. Of course, they could have written a beautiful song without spending tens of millions of dollars on a movie that is such a disaster, but that’s life: you never stop learning.
