When you’re invited to a black tie wedding, one of the most formal wedding dress codes, you come with the expectation that the event will be (at least somewhat) an upscale affair. But for a black tie wedding, the engaged couple sent out text message invitations that included strict instructions to eat dinner before the reception and to send only cash gifts—leaving invitees fretting over the contradiction. One of the invitee’s friends posted a screenshot of the text message invitation to Reddit’s “Wedding Shaming” subreddit in June 2024, and the internet is shocked at the unappealing invitation.

According to the screenshot, the text message begins with the wedding invitation to the recipient: “We cordially invite you and one guest to the black tie event of the fall!” reads the first line. After listing the date and time of the reception (which the Redditor withheld for privacy reasons), the text message contains a list of wishes. At the beginning, they tell their invitees that the wedding is for adults only.

Next, the text invitation tells potential guests that there will be an open bar at their reception with cocktails, beer, and wine. However, no full meal will be served, just “light snacks.” Instead, the couple asks their invited loved ones to grab a bite to eat. before attend the party. “This would provide you and your guests with the perfect opportunity to enjoy an elegant dinner prior to the reception in our beautiful downtown area with endless options,” the duo texted. Although there will be no lavish meal at the reception, the engaged couple still requests that the group arrive in formal attire: black suits for the men and black evening gowns, cocktail dresses or jumpsuits for the women.

The couple concludes the list of requests by banning material gifts, as they have already furnished their new home with all the necessities. Instead, they “humbly” request monetary gifts to fund their honeymoon in the form of cash or a check placed in the card box at the wedding, or by scanning the QR code they provide at the reception to make a donation. After sharing the terms, the couple ends their invitation by saying, “With all of that said, we hope you can join us on our special evening and help create monumental memories on our first night as Mr. and Mrs.”

Other Reddit users were appalled by the invitation, with many concluding that the couple hopes to walk away from the event with a large sum of money – without spending much themselves. “This is not an enticing invitation,” one commented. “It’s about making money. Frankly, the couple should skip the wedding, skip the pseudo-reception, and use the funds they already have to elope to their dream honeymoon destination.” Most netizens pointed out that the invitation was inconsistent with the nature of the event. “People don’t seem to understand that a black tie event is an experience and not just an excuse to look good,” another Reddit user commented. “There is luxury at a black tie event. There is no luxury here.”

Others were unsure what the wedding would actually entail, since dinner is not part of the program. “An invitation to a black tie evening event via text?” one asked. “And this is just an invitation to the reception, not the actual wedding? And there’s no real food provided?”