Agatha all the time
Circle sewn with fate, open your hidden gate
Season 1
Episode 2
Editor’s Rating
Photo: Chuck Zlotnick
After having spent most of the Agatha all the time Premiering in a completely fictional episode of the “true” crime drama “Circle Sewn with Fate, Unlock Thy Hidden Gate” shows us more of what the series might look like in the future (pun intended; I’ll rein it in at some point). Agatha must get her powers back as quickly as possible before the so-called “Salem 7” track her down and rip her to shreds – and just like Velma Kelly, she can’t do it alone.
This is extremely upsetting for Agatha, a loner of legendary proportions. She is such an iconic figure among witches that her teenage stowaway turns out to be a diehard fan who knows so “an incredible amount” about Agatha that he has taken it upon himself to free her from Wanda’s spell.
Agatha is impressed. If this boy could break the Scarlet Witch’s magic, she argues aloud, then he’s no ordinary boy. He also seems physically incapable of telling her who he is or where he’s from, though he doesn’t seem to realize that his mouth looks like a creepy stitched-together doodle to Agatha when he tries. This provides a certain level of fascination for Teen (as Agatha calls him). His most compelling argument, however, is that Agatha’s plan to physically escape an all-powerful witch conspiracy without having any powers of his own is the kind of stupid move that usually ends in a stupid death.
And so they set off on a little road trip in the hopes of picking up some witches to better summon The Road. According to the breathless Teen, The Road will give whoever makes it to the end “what (they) most desire.” For Agatha, who has walked this road before, “that thing” is her power (aka her “Lila”). Teen says he wants the same thing, but whether you believe him or not may depend on who you think he is, so that’s still to be determined. Freed from their characters’ grim demeanor from the premiere, Hahn and Locke are a compelling odd couple; in another version of this show, their quest to find witches could have taken up half the season.
But Agatha has no time to waste, and in an effort to hold out until the episode’s necessary end, her recruitment of the coven seems more rushed than is perhaps convincing. Although they have only a few hours to find four other witches who could also use a magical road to solve their biggest problems, there are apparently enough desperate witches in New Jersey that they can appeal to before sundown. (Having grown up in Jersey, this surprises me more than it probably should.) As we learn in each of their introductory scenes, Agatha’s new crew members all have essentially the same problem: They’re broke. Not even witches, it seems, can escape the relentless clutches of capitalism.
First there is Lilia, a psychic from a shopping mall who initially plays dumb in order to tolerate Agatha’s attempt to go undercover as a southern mother. But Lilia is smarter than she seems. And played by Broadway legend Patti Lupone, so Agatha isn’t going to get away with an unbelievable performance. Hahn and Lupone are so funny together right off the bat that I really would have loved to watch them throw shadows and magic at each other for the rest of the episode. It’s no surprise that Teen, who is so engrossed in this magical mission that he ignores his friend’s calls, feels the same way; he’s practically floating with joy as he watches them fight.
Agatha’s reputation as a selfish power thief precedes her once again, and Lilia wants nothing to do with what she’s cooking up, even though she could use a stroke of luck to avoid paying her bills. Too bad, then, that Lilia’s powers of divination conjure up a list of potential members of the local coven – with Lilia’s own name at the top. Inconvenient for Lilia, but, it must be said, how incredible handy for Agatha and the series as a whole! It makes sense that Disney+ released the first two episodes along with all the set-up for the upcoming journey. To their credit, the expositional drops only occasionally get annoying, thanks in large part to the brisk direction and near-instant chemistry between the actors.
With Lilia reluctantly going along, Agatha and Teen head out to get the other witches in line. They find a “magic-obsessed” Jennifer Kale (Sasheer Zamata) in her boutique shop hawking probiotic candles, a pretty high price for a supposed potions master. Like Lilia, she’s not thrilled to realize Agatha has walked through her door, and not just because she’s scaring customers away by yelling about the “Sisterhood of Traveling Kegels.” (An unleashed rooster is a perfect rooster.) “I haven’t seen you since I really consciously tried never to see you again,” Jennifer grumbles with a tight smile that fills Zamata with a hint of genuine menace. That should set off alarm bells for Harkness Stan No. 1 in the room. Instead, Teen pulls out his phone and reminds Jennifer of the many impending lawsuits against her. In doing so, he plants the seed in her mind that this path might lead her down a more solid path than defending Goop in court.
The third recruit is Alice Wu-Gulliver (Ali Ahn), a “protection witch” turned mall security lackey who has already annoyed her boss so much that it takes Agatha about 2.5 minutes to get her fired. As the group’s resident mysterious, Alice hasn’t had much to do so far other than scowl through her brightly dyed bangs, but Agatha is efficient enough to let us know that she might be trying to find out “what happened to mommy.” It’s a malicious little line that Agatha barely registers as such, a moment that caught my attention in the same way as her shrugging declaration that “babies Are delicious.” Most sequels/prequels/reboots/spinoffs about villains tend to conclude that the villains are basically not The bad. Maybe they are just wounded and lashing out. However, Agatha Harkness’ origin story is that she has been a victim of both her coven and her Mother in exchange for more performance. It would be difficult to pull this off in the big picture, but it would also be much more interesting if Agatha all the time ultimately does not serve a more typical redemption arc.
While this “Building a Team” episode moves too quickly to give us much insight beyond the basics of these characters, it does give us a better look at the Agatha is — not just a witch, but a person. In WandaVisionwe saw her as either the raunchy “nosy neighbor” archetype from Wanda’s sitcom world or the giggling villain who drives her crazy. What this episode does best is the overlap between the two that defines Agatha’s true personality. Laser-focused on her own powerful prey, Agatha employs a charismatic combination of charm, anger, and hostility that veers from hilarious to horrific and back again. I liked the crime pastiche of the premiere, but I have a feeling it’ll be much more fun to watch Agatha (and Hahn) indulge in slapstick bitchiness as she embraces her true, evil self.
With that in mind, let’s take a moment for poor Mrs. Sharon Davis, who has once again been drawn against her will into a witch’s tale of self-discovery. Debra Jo Rupp has long been one of the most reliable and unique comedic presences on television, but her pleading delivery of the line “If you won’t let us go, just let us die” at the end of WandaVision has conveyed the depth of the terror Wanda inadvertently brought to Westview like no other. It’s perfectly understandable that she fights back when Agnes calls her by the name Wanda forced on her; it’s even less understandable why she doesn’t immediately leave Agnes’ basement when the witching hour begins. It’s not her fault that Agnes would rather sacrifice a passerby than call her ex-girlfriend – arch-rival – for help! Let Sharon go! (…Unless her “green thumb” is actually a reference to her secretly practicing earth magic, in which case I guess I should move on.)
Once Agatha has all her witches lined up – each one a Marvel character from all the comics, now representing Earth, Wind and Air – the summoning of the street begins. It will come as no shock to anyone who WandaVision or have a look at Agathas cast list to learn that the spell must be sung. The premiere already teased “The Ballad” (written by returning songwriters Kristen Anderson-Lopez and Robert Lopez) when Detective Agnes hummed it on her way to examine a dead body. Now we get to hear the lyrics, which double as an incantation and potential roadmap (again, sorry) for the season to come. The relevant verse from this episode:
Are you looking for the way to everything that is evil and beautiful,
Collect the fire of the sisters: water, earth and air.
Darkest hour, awaken your power, earthly and divine,
Distill and brew with the true spell, and glory will be yours.
Down, down, down the street, down the witch street,
Circle sewn by fate, open your hidden gate.
It’s not as catchy as “Agatha All Along,” but the Andersons have once again written a catchy tune that serves as a hook for the show. It’s also undeniably effective in contrasting the coven’s sing-along with the arrival of the cloaked Salem 7, who not for me. Ringwraiths moving en masse with bones cracking and 1.5x speed? No thanks! Again, Teen and I agree. He runs out of the living room in a panic, escaping their literal clutches and running down, down, down the stairs that actually appeared in Agatha’s basement, ready to lead them all “to glory in the end.”
• Hahn line of the week: Despite the many competitors to Agatha’s exaggerated “undercover” personas, the contract still goes to her Art– clueless “whaaaaat?” when Lilia (rightly) accuses her of trying to trick her into blowing her up so she can steal her powers.
• If Teen refers to Agatha’s years in Salem as one of her “eras,” it begs the question: Did Teen make a Taylor Swift “Eras Tour” t-shirt featuring Agatha, and if not, why not?
• Giving teen a real life “boyfriend” is a bigger Explicitly Gay Moment™ than I expected from Disney+, to be honest! Interesting.
• “Who is that? Another child victim?” (Eye Emoji)
• If Disney World doesn’t introduce the Salem 7 to the Haunted Mansion this year, the corporate synergy will have truly lost its appeal.
• When you watch The Road, you just have to take your shoes off? Good thing Agatha didn’t hire Carrie Bradshaw, right?
• So who do we think Teen is? My guess: He’s somehow related to Agatha’s missing son… or Wanda’s? Discuss!
