There are some things you just expect at a wedding: a beautiful dress, dancing, tears. And, what is most important for the guests, at least, plenty of food and drink.
However, a bride-to-be who does not drink alcohol wants to know exactly why her guests expect her to have an open bar.
A couple who do not drink alcohol find it “annoying” to have to offer their wedding guests an open bar.
A woman named Katie shared her opinion with X about the need to offer an open bar at her future wedding, even though she doesn’t drink herself.
Katie, who goes by the username @focusfronting, assured other X users: “This is not an engagement announcement. We are just chatting.”
Apparently, Katie and her partner had a specific aspect in mind when it came to weddings.
“It’s so annoying that polite society here basically demands that you have an open bar at your wedding,” Katie wrote on the app. “Neither my partner nor I drink and we don’t care if others do, but do we have to pay for it?”
Katie was surprised by the variety of responses she received to her post. The responses were actually very mixed.
“There doesn’t have to be alcohol at your wedding,” someone argued. “If your friends love you, they’ll understand.”
“Yeah,” said someone else. “It’s called partying. It’s a social event. It’s not just about your preferences.”
“Don’t do that,” said another. “Let them pay for their drinks. Who cares? People who spend less on weddings stay together longer. Draw a clear line.”
A fourth person had a different view. “Banning out drinks completely is not good for your guests,” she explained. “It’s about general access and making sure you’re catering to all of your guests’ needs, whether they like alcohol or not.”
Although personal opinions differed, the experts seemed to agree that couples should have an open bar.
Brides asked Kristen Baxter, event manager at Oregon wedding venue Abbey Road Farm, what she thought about the open bar.
According to Baxter, “Most couples choose an open bar because it’s a more enjoyable experience for guests… Your loved ones have probably already spent money on travel, gifts and more, and it’s a polite gesture to invite them for the evening.”
The Knot also found through its research that the majority of couples have an open bar. “According to The Knot 2021 Real Weddings Study, 79% of couples offered an open bar at their wedding, but a fully stocked open bar is no longer the standard,” they wrote.
USA Today also reported on the controversial topic. They spoke to James Abel, the owner of James Abel Events. Abel’s thoughts were clear.
“Personally, I think that when people are planning their wedding, they should remember that they are hosting a party for their friends and family,” Abel said.
Event planner Marcy Blum agreed. “I think it’s rude not to do that. Why don’t you just give each guest a bill for their meal?” she asked.
While wedding experts agree that couples should have open bars, the etiquette is rather ambiguous.
USA Today asked Jacqueline Whitmore, founder of the Protocol School of Palm Beach, if an open bar is better than a cash bar. Her response as an etiquette expert was, “There is no etiquette rule that says one is more appropriate than the other.”
When planning a wedding and deciding whether or not to serve alcohol – or whether to offer it for free – there are many factors to consider.
While many experts agree that open bars are the best, remember that you are entertaining your guests, but it is also the couple’s money to spend as they see fit.
However, it is important to remember that guests may not be as inclined to join in the festivities if they are not as party-oriented as hoped.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer for YourTango who covers entertainment, news and human issues.
