In June 2017, I was laid off from my job as a journalist and decided to spend the summer working a temp job and saving money for a trip in the fall. When I returned to the US in December, I felt ready for my next job as a journalist. I stayed with my parents to save money for rent.

Over the course of a year, I applied for dozens of jobs. Some led to emails with the hiring manager or recruiter. Others led to an initial phone call. At least one application ended with seven interviews without me receiving an offer. In the first six months alone, I interviewed at more than ten different companies to no avail. No one wanted to hire me.

Being rejected over and over again was extremely discouraging. I felt worthless. I was depressed. What was I if not the title I had received from my job? What proof did I have that I mattered?

According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, there are currently 7.2 million unemployed in the United States, 1.5 million of whom are long-term unemployed, meaning they have been out of work for 27 weeks or more. Many of them may be suffering the same pain I felt that year.

For me, however, it was this very emotional toll that led to some critical changes in the way I approached my work life. These changes have stayed with me ever since and have helped me develop a much healthier relationship with work.

Even though that was the end of my career, it was enough

I remember one night in May 2018, lying heartbroken in my parent’s basement, when I realized something.

I had worked as a journalist for seven years. I had written for national publications like the New York Times and local ones like the Village Voice. But when it came to my self-esteem and sense of accomplishment, none of that mattered.

No matter what I did, nothing was ever enough. It felt like I had a big hole in my stomach, and no matter how many published articles I threw in, it never filled up. It only got bigger. My relationship with work left an emptiness inside me.

“I always say that perspective comes at an extremely high price,” says Janna Koretz, clinical psychologist and expert in leadership and mental health. “When people go through a difficult time, whether personally or professionally (…), it gives you perspective.”

When I realized my professional black hole, I decided to change my perspective on my career. Even if I never wrote professionally again, I thought, everything I had done so far was enough to be proud of and enjoy. It was enough.

I have nothing to prove

A few months later, the ongoing application process took its toll again. I started putting all my emphasis on getting a response from the hiring managers at all.

I was talking to a friend who had recently changed his mind about work due to a debilitating neurological disorder. And he gave me a task. Imagine a world where there was no work, he said, and write a list of the human qualities you bring to that world. What do you contribute to the world by simply being who you are, he said.

“I think it’s a great exercise,” Koretz says, “because it makes you realize all the things you contribute that have nothing to do with work.” At Koretz’s practice, Azimuth Psychological, they give patients a similar exercise. They present a scenario in which there are no jobs and their patients have unlimited money, and ask them what they would do.

It helps people “realize that they have more than they think, that they are more than they think,” Koretz says. “It brings people a lot of hope and joy.”

This is what I discovered when I did my friend’s exercises. I wrote down 11 different traits: naturally curious, creative, joy-seeking, etc. And within a few days, I felt a seismic shift in my body. I realized that I could love the work and put everything into it, but it didn’t define me as a person. It was just something I did in my everyday life.

From then on, the job search was much easier. I was able to approach my search with more composure and a greater perspective of what it meant for my life. I didn’t have to achieve anything else, just find something I could live off of and enjoy. And my entire worth as a human being didn’t depend on getting hired.

I also place equal value on everything else I do in my life, like spending time with my friends and doing some creative writing on the side. These are lessons I have reflected on over and over again to remind myself of what is important to me.

I was finally hired in the fall of 2018. I was thrilled to be starting a new job, but by now I was approaching work a little differently. I knew I enjoyed the work because of the rewards it brought, but ultimately I had nothing to prove.

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