Parenting coach reveals how parents can properly manage their children’s social media
When it comes to children and things like screen time and social media use, it seems that the more research that is done on the subject, the more dangerous and harmful the subject appears to be.
But how can parents cope with our lives – and especially their children’s social environment – being so closely linked to the online world without inadvertently turning their children into outsiders?
A parenting consultant on TikTok has an answer, and unlike some other experts, her recommendations don’t start by advising parents to ban their children from owning a phone.
Dr. Chelsey Hauge-Zavaleta explained how parents can best manage their children’s social media.
Dr. Chelsey Hauge-Zavaleta, child development expert and self-proclaimed “screen-positive mom,” is an expert on all things related to parenting, and her advice on cell phones and social media is a little different from the “no cell phones until you’re 35!” advice you usually hear.
While this requires a little more effort than simply establishing a “no cell phones” rule, it is much more proactive and encouraging for children and parents alike.
In their opinion, parents should wait until high school to buy cell phones for their children because younger children’s brains are too underdeveloped to navigate social media.
In a recent video, Dr. Chelsey began by role-playing a situation that will be all too familiar to many parents: a fifth-grader who insists he needs a phone and social media accounts to be accepted by his friends.
Hauge-Zavaleta believes fifth grade is far too young to have a phone. “The only situation I would buy a fifth grader a phone is when they’re walking home from school,” she said. In that case, she would buy her child a flip phone just to stay in touch.
Why? “Access to social media during these really tender developmental years is really problematic,” she said. It is not the explicit or inappropriate content that is a concern, but rather, she explained, “the social and emotional well-being.”
In short, the brains of tweens and young teens are at a stage of development where they are not yet able to handle all the messages and content, as well as the social implications of social media use.
Dr. Hauge-Zavaleta believes this is actually an opportunity for parents to support their children’s development by teaching them the skills they need to use social media safely.
Parents should model for their children how to deal with the social dynamics and psychological effects of social media.
Dr. Hauge-Zavaleta said that instead of simply giving in and giving a fifth-grader a phone and a TikTok account, parents should spend the elementary and middle school years “focusing on brain and nervous system development” by “nurturing the relationship” with their child so they can give them the opportunity to learn important social skills and self-esteem-building competencies needed for healthy social media use.
What does that look like? Dr. Hauge-Zavaleta explained that while “your teen may not want to scroll through TikTok with you, your 8- to 13-year-old may.” And this is a great opportunity to teach them “how to deal with complex social content.”
She gave the example of being excluded from a moms’ group meeting. “I could say, ‘Wow, these are some of my friends, it feels kind of weird to see them here (without me),'” and model for your children how to handle a situation they will definitely experience at some point – being excluded, owning your feelings, but ultimately not taking it too personally.
“I show them how to develop self-confidence and not get lost in the inclusion/exclusion enabled by social media,” she explained.
Parents should also teach their children media literacy so that they can understand and critically examine the content they are exposed to.
You only have to look at the state of our culture today to see that media literacy is at an all-time low. By now, we all know at least one person who believes something truly crazy about politics, science, or their own health simply because they saw it on social media and took it at face value.
To counteract this, Dr. Hauge-Zavaleta suggests watching content with your child and then asking questions like, “Who do you think did that?” and “Why do you think they thought that?”
This will help your child develop a healthy sense of skepticism and learn to think critically about what they see and hear – a lesson that would do us all good in this age of propaganda.
Finally, she urged parents to model boundaries when using social media. “That means putting the phone away, engaging with the kids, putting aside texting, TikTok, etc.” to show children that they don’t have to be glued to their phones all day. After all, phones and social media are literally addictive.
Dr. Hauge-Zavaleta said that following this plan will prepare them to move into the online world and will not take over their lives but will enrich them – another lesson we should probably all learn!
John Sundholm is a news and entertainment writer covering pop culture, social justice and human issues.
