OK. Now we’re talking! That’s more accurate. That, boys and girls, was a road race. To be honest, that’s why Watkins Glen is my favorite track on the NASCAR calendar.
You can have your fancy new tracks, like COTA and the crime-ridden street racing in Chicago. That’s fine. Take them. They’re all yours! I don’t want them.
I like Watkins Glen. Old, reliable. The tried and tested street circuit on the NASCAR calendar. It has been around forever and never lets us down.
And neither did Chris Buescher! I swear to God, I would have come out of the starting blocks with momentum today if Shane Van Gisbergen had won this car race.
I don’t know why, but I can’t stand the guy. And it’s not his fault! It literally has nothing to do with him. I think it’s just because last year when he won in Chicago, the insufferable mainstream media acted like he was the second coming of Christ and it almost made me puke.
I also hate it when road ringers come in and win a race. It really annoys me. It’s the NASCAR playoffs. The only people who should be winning races right now are playoff drivers or those who nursssssssst missed it. Not Shane Van Gisbergen.
This is America, buddy. Fuck off!
What else should we be discussing on this third Monday in September? How about another NASCAR driver – Matt Tifft! – who got beat up over the weekend? No, that’s not an exaggeration. He got beat up, literally – right on the head. What a scene.
I also have the most electrifying call you’ve ever heard in the IndyCar Series (yuck), a pissed off Martin Truex Jr. and an even pissed off Ryan Blaney. Angry Rhino!!! The best.
Four tires, just a little bit of that Sunoco race fuel, and an Advil for poor Matty Tifft…Monday Morning Pit-Stop – the “You Came to the Wrong Place” edition – is LIVE!!
We are interrupting your NASCAR race because of the attack on Matt Tifft
I know this is an unconventional way to start, but if it’s going to be my headline, it’s not fair to save it for last. I’m a man of the people, and fair is fair.
Former NASCAR driver Matt Tifft got into an altercation with the wrong team after Saturday’s ASA STARS National Tour event at Toledo Speedway, resulting in the most violent kicking I have ever seen in my life.
Rollllllllllll band!
I mean, my goodness. BOOM! The guy just comes out of nowhere. And it’s so unnecessary. Matt Tifft is down. He’s being held down by bigger guys. No way he’s getting up. Honestly, he’s not even that mad! At the moment of the kick, everyone seemed to have pretty much gotten over it and was ready to move on.
And then… BAM!! Out of nowhere, a kick to the head. What a twist. Also… kicking Matt Tifft in the head is such a bad move. For those who don’t remember Matty’s story, he literally beat brain cancer about a decade ago.
The guy underwent a seven-hour surgery to remove a tumor from his brain and then returned to racing in the NASCAR Xfinity Series. A legend.
PS: Pizza Hut? Matt. You’re better than that. Be proud of yourself.
P.S.: Don’t break your knuckles, break your balls. Electric shirt.
PPPS: UPDATED: Matt says he May Report it because the guy is scum and I don’t blame him.
The anger flowed in Watkins Glen
No, it wasn’t. Pizza Hut hasn’t been a smash since they tore down the buffet and threw away the March Madness basketballs. You know it, I know it, Matty T knows it.
Ice on, Matt!
Should Matt sue this scumbag by next year? Let me know! [email protected] (or just write to say hi, either-or).
OK, let’s leave Joe’s state of Ohio and head to upstate New York where Chris Buescher has kicked SVG’s ass out of the way to spare me a week of the saliva of the bright NASCAR media people about him. Thank God. Thanks, Chris Buescher. Great move:
Just a solid road race from start to finish. Thank goodness for the last few precautions that brought them back together and back into the race, because it was turning into a slumber an end.
And what did we all think of Leigh Diffey’s call? I’ve heard from a lot of you by now, and it seems our new NBC commentator has some work to do. I didn’t think that one was bad, but I don’t need a history lesson every time we reach the end of a race.
He did it a few weeks ago during the Busch-Cindric fight and put it down to a stupid Xfinity race in 2020, and yesterday he did it again with the Ambrose stuff. Maybe it’s just me, but I just don’t want that at this moment. Don’t need it.
Ryan, Martin…thoughts?
More anger in Watkins Glen, fried (Ba)Toni, lively NASCAR and AMEN!
“I’m out of here.”
No one in history has ever been more ready to retire than Martin Truex Jr. Guy HATES it here. He looks around, sees all his friends gone, sees a bunch of 20-year-old punks stuck on their phones 24/7, and he’s just ready to come home.
Let’s take a look at the points before Bristol’s cut-off race to really assess the trouble Martin is in:
Forget MTJ…how about if Denny Hamlin is six points out of the playoffs with just one race left until the Round of 12? It would be the surprise of the year if Chase Briscoe, Alex Bowman, Austin Cindric and Daniel Suarez all advance while Denny is eliminated.
Do I think it will happen? Probably not. But he will have to be at his best in Bristol.
OK, back to the valley!
Nothing gets more page views than a fight between Michael McDowell and Zane Smith! I can smell it! This is the #content you’ve all been waiting for. Zane vs. Mikey!
Or maybe… Zane’s bride, McCall? Either-or, I think:
It’s been a while, McCall! Welcome back. Don’t be such a stranger next time.
Speaking of MMPS Legends… Let’s ask NASCAR driver/Victoria’s Secret driver Toni Breidinger:
Bob at 4:59: Toni should be able to last the whole race.
Bob at 6:05: it is finished.
Get well soon, Toni! It’s also a great scooter. I love these things.
Two more are on the way out!
This may sound silly, but on a day when the left once again tried to assassinate our former president, I preferred to laugh about it.
And you know what? I feel better.
First? NASCAR woke up!
This little number went viral on the internet over the weekend and is a winner. Solid work by SVG’s strongest soldier, which is also a funny name.
Kyle BLM is funny considering his…unfortunate…past.
“Me Too McDowell” is solid.
Bi-Gibbs!
Follow Elliott.
The latter is the best. When you understand it, you understand it.
Finally… as we head out the door before a busy week of work, let us all go to our Father in prayer. The Lord knows we need Him.
Off to Bristol.
