A woman is searching the internet for advice after learning that her wedding photographer’s wife – who was “indispensable” on their special day – died after the ceremony but before the pictures were taken.
No one wants to be “crass,” as this woman put it, but finding herself in an extremely uncomfortable position, she’s not sure how to proceed.
This is why the OP (aka “the original poster”) took to Reddit’s advice forum to figure out what to do next after learning that the couple who assisted her as wedding photographers had been struck by tragedy just months ago.
Although her heart aches, she is understandably also concerned about her photos.
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The 33-year-old woman said she and her 42-year-old husband were married in May. “Our wedding photographers were a tight-knit team and they were amazing, incredible people,” she wrote. “They brought so much creativity to our day and we were lucky to have them.”
She explained that her wife handles “general administration” and that’s why she had been communicating with her before the wedding. So when the six-week “due date” for her pictures passed and there were no photos, “she sent her a message and didn’t hear back.”
“I tried an email and another text over a couple of weeks, but still nothing,” she continued, sharing that it was not like the couple, “because they were really communicative. Even if it was just to say we’ll get back to you later.”
Eventually, the newlywed contacted the couple’s husband to “ask if everything was OK,” and that’s when she learned that his wife “had died just a few weeks earlier as a result of a brief illness.”
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“It’s tragic – she was very young and they had two small children. I sent him my condolences and told him to take all the time he needs,” the woman wrote.
“So – my question is,” the woman continued, “(and I’m sorry if this sounds harsh. I understand that his whole world has been turned upside down and everything must hurt right now and will hurt for a long time), when could I contact him again to ask how things are going?”
She added: “I’m tempted to ask for the unedited files so we can just sort them out – my boss has photo editing software and has offered to help. But is that even appropriate?”
The woman concluded her story by saying she was “really looking for some advice,” but responded to commenters’ suggestions and even assured them that she was convinced it was not a hoax because she had seen the obituary.
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Advice pours in
The OP received a number of responses, many of which suggested different ways to broach the subject with the widower.
“Send a sympathy card now. Write something meaningful about why you chose them (their creativity),” was the most popular response. “Wait until the end of September and email them if they would prefer to send unedited files OR the edited files – if you’re happy to accept either. Set a date for both. The unedited files in 3 weeks and the edited files in 6 weeks.”
“I say this as an independent creative (not a photographer) who was also suddenly widowed. It’s extremely difficult to work on happy wedding photos when your own life has imploded (and you’re now widowed),” they continued. “At the same time, it’s very difficult to give away unfinished work (and that can damage his reputation if the photos aren’t edited to his liking). This gives him the opportunity. And a timeline for you.”
OP responded that this advice was particularly helpful – “Especially because you can understand his experience and provide perspective on it.” She added that she understands that the photos might be difficult for the photographer to work on, noting that “it may even have been the last wedding they photographed together.”
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Another response said they were in a similar situation once – but after seeing others “harass” the deceased’s father about the orders, they “let it go” and just never got their photos. “I’m sorry you never got them. It’s so complicated for everyone involved and no one wants to add to their grief,” the OP replied.
When asked if they had already paid for the photos, the OP replied that they paid “the full amount the week before the wedding” – and then added that she was thinking about waiting until September/October when the kids would be back in school and the family would no longer be “just trying to survive the worst summer of their lives.”
She also said that she and her husband are thinking about paying tribute to the woman as well, saying that they “have both talked about having our favorite picture printed with both of their names visible on the frame.”
“Although we had only known her for a short time, she was such an integral part of our day – without her the ceremony would not have taken place in this form,” she added.
OP promised to post an update as soon as she had one – adding, “Honestly, I just can’t stop thinking about her. It’s too tragic to add anything more to what her family is going through.”
What do you think?
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