DEAR MISS MANNERS: In today’s modern times, many employees have the opportunity to work from home at least part of the week. My husband is one of them.

A few years ago, he sat down at my kitchen table, where I had been doing my work for years (household bills, etc.). There wasn’t even a “Can I sit down here?” or “Is this where you work?”

I never know which days he’ll stay home or where he’ll work: often it’s the kitchen, but sometimes it’s our home office, the dining room, or the living room. For example, if I plan to sort papers in our office, he might spend the whole day there, taking conference calls. The end result is that I’m the one whose schedule is messed up. Friends can’t call because he’s on the line, and I doubt he’d know what to do if people came over for coffee—all that talking would bother him.

Since he is the primary breadwinner, I usually say very little and try to fit in. It’s also his house, so I expect to be a little flexible.

I feel like the maid working at his employer’s desk. The sink is filling up with extra dishes that I have to wash. The tables (even in the living room) are littered with crumpled napkins or used dishes. His work papers, computers, files, books and other office supplies are everywhere.

What are the etiquette rules for this work from home person? I really hate it.

DEAR READER: You and your husband seem to agree that you have no say in the matter because he is the primary breadwinner. But the work from home isn’t going away, and neither is he, and you probably don’t want to get to the point you are at now.

So it’s time to negotiate. Miss Manners is surprised you didn’t learn this earlier in your marriage. The rule is that both partners indicate what space they need and then compromise. Unlike business negotiations, in marriage negotiations emotional suffering counts more than financial contributions.