Karla Martinez
Karla is looking for her brother Juan Valentín Martínez Jiménez, who disappeared on February 18, 2020. She spent a year searching for him with Mexico’s government search team. Karla quickly learned where to look and how to identify areas where bodies might be found.
Even though the investigation into my brother’s disappearance has been ongoing for four years, no one will look for him unless I do.
When I reported my brother missing, authorities asked, “What did your brother do?” I was afraid to answer because I didn’t know if it would stop them from looking for him. I felt like my situation would be misjudged if my brother had tattoos, smoked, or drank.
The Mexican government’s search commission stopped searching for my brother after a year, so I decided to take the search into my own hands. Together with three women, we set out to find our loved ones. We didn’t know much about where we were going or why, but we went without fear and with the desire to find them. That’s how we started to find our relatives.
The first time I pulled a foot out, I vomited. The smell was strong. I thought I would have to stay there for hours. I tried to get used to the smell until I was no longer disgusted. Now finding and smelling a dead body is not so disgusting. It makes me feel like we did a good job and achieved our goal.
Since I started searching, I have changed – I can’t smile, I’m in a bad mood. I can’t live like this… If I stay at home, I get sad. I’m happiest when I’m on the ground looking for the missing people. I want to find them – and I want to do it with dignity.
But I still find every search traumatic. When I get home, I take a bath, close my eyes and can’t get rid of these images. These are things that leave a mark on you. I’ve lost a lot of weight due to stress and anxiety.
Searching for someone is dangerous. I have been followed and shot at. It is terrifying that the same people who kidnapped my brother could be after me too. I feel completely unsafe and vulnerable wherever I am.
Although the authorities sometimes grant me protection measures, I am aware that the authorities often do not recognise our work as human rights defenders and that the measures are not sufficient to ensure the risks we face and our lives. The threats continue.
At this point, however, all I want to do is find my brother. I have attended workshops, organized my time and searched as much as I could. We have found 216 people, but my brother is not among them. I am working, but I have no result for myself. I am happy for the 216 families who are resting, but it makes me angry when I ask: “What about me?”
I am grateful to be part of Hasta Encontrarte. There is a kind of sisterhood between all of us that lifts me up when I’m feeling down.
