A man sparked controversy by not giving a big wedding present to his sister who eloped, but gave one to his sister who was hosting a wedding.

In a recent post shared on the popular Reddit forum “Am I the Asshole?”, a man asked if he was wrong to give his sibling a gift that wasn’t as “generous” as his other sister, who had “a traditional wedding.” After explaining that he is 15 years older than his two siblings, he acknowledged that the three of them “didn’t really grow up together,” so he feels “more like an uncle” to them than a big brother.

Nevertheless, he was involved in the significant events in his siblings’ lives, and when his sister Katie got married two years ago, it was quite a costly event.

“I don’t know how much they spent, but I know my parents and her husband could only contribute about half of the cost,” he wrote. “My sister and her husband paid the rest. They were super cool and let me and my wife bring our two kids, although I later found out the venue charged the same for kids and adults for food and everything.”

The Reddit user added that it “meant a lot” to him and his wife that his family was included in the wedding, which is why they gave the then-newlyweds $500 as a wedding gift.

His other sister, Jess, celebrated in a more relaxed atmosphere, having told her family when she got engaged that she was most likely going to elope. He stressed that Jess and her partner were “not the type to have a big wedding” before describing their wedding, which he did not attend.

“They announced a few weeks ago that they were eloping in the mountains, just them and the necessary best man. I was happy for them and didn’t feel like I missed out on anything,” he wrote. “I’ve been to enough weddings where I don’t have (fear of missing out). I’m just glad they had what felt right for them.”

He also shared that he didn’t get Jess and her husband a gift since they didn’t have a wedding. However, since the newlyweds were buying their first home together, the Reddit user got them a $100 gift card to Home Depot.

“I remember when I bought my first house, there was a ton of home improvement stuff there and I went there about 100 times, so I thought it would be a nice gift,” he added.

However, Jess had “a certain feeling” about the gift when she found out what her brother gave her sister Katie after the wedding. The Reddit user and Jess disagreed about the gift, with the newlywed saying she felt disrespected by her brother.

“She made a comment about how she felt like her marriage wasn’t being respected enough because they didn’t have a big party and said it was like I was favoring her,” he wrote. “I told her I would have given more to Katie because she hosted my whole family and I know how expensive it is to have paid for my own wedding. Jess kind of rolled her eyes and walked away after that conversation and we haven’t spoken about it since.”

The Reddit post quickly went viral, garnering more than 7,300 upvotes. In the comments, several people defended the man’s decision to give Katie the more expensive gift since she had such a big, expensive wedding. They also described how there are often different expectations about what couples should give after their secret wedding.

“You gave the older sister a wedding gift that partially covers the cost of four plates at her wedding. At my wedding last year, which was nothing special, dinner cost more than $100 per plate. Your $500 gift would not have covered the cost of your dinner, I believe. At the end of the day, you probably just helped finance her wedding and nothing else,” one person wrote.

“You’re right, with a secret wedding comes different expectations. Formal etiquette calls for a nice gift if you attend a wedding and expects no gift if you don’t attend. It’s nice to give a gift if you want, but it’s expected to be smaller than you would have given at a wedding – just like you did,” wrote another.

“My wife and I eloped. Months later, my mom asked if we would have an open house. We never did, and we never expected the family to give us anything. That’s just what happens when you elope and don’t have a traditional wedding,” said a third.

However, some Reddit users expressed that they understood why Jess was upset and questioned her relationship with her brother after learning that her sister had received a more lavish wedding gift.

“A wedding gift should reflect how close you are to the couple and your own finances, not be influenced by the amount of flowers at the ceremony. She’s your sister. Regardless of the celebration, it’s best to treat them all equally,” wrote another. “You’re celebrating the wedding and helping them start their new life. You’re not buying meals.”

“You did not do well. I assure you that no one cares about the ‘logic’ behind the gift except you,” wrote another. “You can do whatever you want, but the disparity will hurt your sister, AND SHE DID, because she demonstrated remarkable financial prudence and responsibility by foregoing a party and instead building the substantive foundations of a marriage by creating a home.”

“People keep talking weird shit about the obvious politics of wedding ceremonies, but really it boils down to whether you want to maintain an equal relationship with both sisters,” wrote a third.