Joan Vassos might have a problem. She was cast as The Golden Bachelorettewhich premiered on September 18. She is beautiful, educated and eloquent. Her story of love and loss is captivating; she was happily married for decades before her husband died of pancreatic cancer in 2021. Fans of the franchise know her from her lovable appearance in The Golden Bachelor last year, when she left the show early to care for her daughter, who was suffering from postnatal depression.
Now, as head of Golden Bachelorette She gets another chance to find love on TV. But it may be doomed from the start. None of the men vying for her hand live anywhere near Rockville, Maryland, where she lives, works as a school administrator, and has raised a family (which she obviously cares about!).
Of course, each of the 24 men who stepped out of the limousine knows where Vassos is from and has chosen to participate anyway. Maybe they are willing to leave their own homes, their own families, their own lives to start something new with Vassos. But… maybe they are not.
To The Golden Bachelorwhich aired last fall, lead actor Gerry Turner, a 70-year-old from Indiana, fell in love with Jersey Shore native Theresa Nist. Turner proposed, Nist accepted, and the two were married in January on a televised wedding show. But then they just continued living in Indiana and New Jersey respectively.
In April, TMZ reported that the two still weren’t living together because it’s hard to uproot decades of life for someone you’ve only known for a few months, especially when grandchildren are involved. “We’re told they both have their own homes in their respective states and moving everything into one apartment would be time consuming,” TMZ explained. “Theresa is still working in New Jersey and hasn’t decided what she’s going to do with her job as a compliance officer. Additionally, Gerry and Theresa are very close with their own families and according to our sources, it would be difficult for them to move away from either of them.” Um, yeah!
Turner and Nist toyed with the idea of moving to neutral territory – Charleston, South Carolina – and starting a new life in the Palmetto State. But that vision never came to fruition. “We looked at houses in South Carolina, we considered New Jersey and we just looked at house after house, but we never got to the point where we made that decision,” Nist told ABC News when the couple moved on. Good morning America to announce their golden divorce – or, as Slate editor-in-chief Hillary Frey put it, their separation, because could you even call it a marriage? That could have been completely avoided if they had just had a difficult conversation before they got married. After all, Turner eliminated Faith Martin because she made it to the final four and basically told him she wasn’t ready to move out of Washington State for him. Good for her, honestly. A similar conversation with Nist might have saved them both a lot of trouble.
But that’s the problem with dating people who live thousands of miles away. Even if they’re willing to be on the show and explore love, they may not be ready to give up their home and life for a new friend – especially if they’re people who share your values and put family first, as many of the show’s contestants say. This was a big theme at the premiere of the Golden Bachelorette. One contestant was walked out of the limo by his daughter, former Bachelor contestant Kelsey Anderson. Another gifted Vassos a onesie for her grandchild with a slice of pizza, a hot dog, and the words “Chicago Style” (Chicago… not near Rockville, Maryland!). There was even a very touching segment where the contestants’ children left them video messages – tears were shed. It’s clear that Vassos likes guys who care about family… but maybe not care about it enough that they are not willing to move away from their family to be with them?
They – and whoever selected their candidates – obviously don’t really think about the logistical consequences of the show. One candidate does live in Maryland, but two hours away on the east coast of the state. That could be doable, but… and he was eliminated on the first night! None of the candidates live in the Washington metropolitan area. The next candidate lives near Philadelphia. In order for Vassos and one of these men to start a life together, someone have to make a sacrifice, upend their lives, and move at least a few hours away, but probably across the country. As someone who has moved to several unfamiliar states for my spouse’s career, I know that’s a big sacrifice. But I also know it’s a lot easier when you’re young, when you don’t have a house or a job, when you don’t have kids, or decades of inactivity. What’s the Chicago hair salon owner to do? Is the ER doctor willing to take a new job? What about the guy co-parenting his kids with an ex? Will the guy whose job title is just “girl dad” be able to ask his bosses (his girls) to move? her lives too?
As a candidate on The Golden BachelorVassos was praised for her inability to compromise on the values she held dear, refusing to put her pursuit of Turner ahead of her daughter’s need for love and comfort during a difficult time. During the premiere, a suitor told Vassos he would have done the exact same thing. That’s great. But if the whole finding another husband thing is going to work for Vassos, then maybe she really wants someone who is willing to her first, and his family second.
