Suddenly Andy intervened. “Really? You want to go through all that?”

David replied with a laugh: “I thought you would be happy about the news.”

We assured him that we adored Lindsey and were actually excited about the announcement, but given our countercultural attitudes to weddings, we were a little put off by the formality of the proposal. Then I started thinking about our own unusual engagement.

My own wedding was very simple

It was the early 1980s. Andy was a left-wing sociologist and I was a staunch feminist. After living together for four years, we decided to get married. The reason was an upcoming visit to my parents in their recently Condo purchased in Florida.

If we stayed unmarried, how would my parents introduce Andy to their new Florida friends? “This is Rose’s partner? Life partner? Lover?” We weren’t sure how those options would go over with the Florida crowd, so we decided to tie the knot. Plus, we knew we’d get married eventually anyway if we decided to have kids, and what better time to get married than in the dead of winter in upstate New York?

Since we knew nothing about the process, we got a brochure from the town hall entitled “Steps to marriage.” First, we needed blood tests for syphilis, which was still required in New York State in 1984.

Once we were certified syphilis-free, we went back to City Hall to sign the license and I was given a gift package prepared for all new brides, containing cleaning supplies, beauty supplies and feminine hygiene products, including a bottle of iridescent blue intimate wash.

The ceremony took place in the judge’s office. Before the vows were read, the judge asked, “The rings?” We didn’t have rings – it wasn’t in the brochure and it never occurred to us. The ceremony continued. The next day we were on our honeymoon to visit my parents at their new home in Florida.

My son’s wedding was much more detailed

Our journey into David and Lindsey’s wedding preparations was supposed to be a little different.

After getting engaged, wedding planning began immediately. The bride and groom created multiple spreadsheets, assembled thick folders of wedding materials, set up a website and registry, and scheduled Zoom meetings with potential vendors. At that point, Andy and I vowed that we would make a collective effort to change our mentality, put aside our biased attitudes, and fully support their very traditional plans.

Since they were so well organized and seemed to have everything covered, Andy and I focused on our own Wedding clothing. I was especially worried about this because I had no experience buying formal clothes and didn’t want to mess it up.

The search for an outfit was scary

After consulting friends, two stores were identified. I arrived at store one and was put in touch with a saleswoman in her twenties. Once, when I was trying on a dress, she had to call over another saleswoman to help her zip up my breasts. She then said, “You’re probably not wearing your best bra.”

Although I was somehow because I knew I was going dress shopping That day I replied, “Oh no, definitely not my best.”

I left the store panicking. Would I ever find a dress that fit?

After recovering from the humiliating experience at Shop 1, I went to Shop 2. The owner, about 60 years old, was much more familiar with dealing with mothers of grooms, including those with ill-fitting bras. She selected a few dresses, all of which looked fabulous. The dress selected was a dazzling blue, oddly similar in color to the shower I received at City Hall back when I was a bride.

The clothes purchase was followed by Decisions about shapeweara modern version of the girdle from my mother’s generation that is now promoted by the Kardashians and other trusted sources. I hadn’t considered shapewear before I heard Lindsey and her mother talk about underwear.

As with all major decisions in my life, I turned to the book club members for expert advice. I wrote, “Does anyone have experience with shapewear?”

The girls were quick to respond. They told me it was important to get that flawless, wrinkle-free look. So a few days later, I was in a dressing room at Macy’s, squeezing myself into a spandex sheath and compressing my internal organs to achieve that oh-so-smooth result.

The resulting lack of oxygen triggered a hallucination. Standing in front of me was my former college professor, Betty Friedan – the activist who started the women’s movement in the 1970s. She shook her head and frowned. I dropped the shapewear on the spot.

Andy’s shopping experience was a little more relaxed. He chose the first suit he tried on and didn’t even think about shapewear. After one fitting, he was ready to go.

Although my son and I had different wedding styles, I loved celebrating with him

The following months were filled with a lot of fear, decisions and celebrations. We attended family gatherings, visited the Bridal Shower; organized an engagement party; discussed the guest list, seating plan, ceremony, menu, music and decorations; prepared speeches; hosted a rehearsal dinner; and wrote a handsome check.

The day finally arrived and it was just perfect. Even though elaborate wedding receptions aren’t my thing, I still had a great time. There were many heartwarming moments, lots of laughter, delicious food and a rocking DJ.

And while their thoughtful and well-executed ceremony was quite a departure from our more spontaneous and haphazard approach, I only hope that David and Lindsey will have as long and loving a marriage as Andy and I have had for over 40 years.