Joining a wedding party is more expensive than ever for a variety of reasons, from longer and more elaborate bachelorette parties to higher fees for essentials like bridesmaid dresses and hair and makeup for the big day. That’s a reality one bridesmaid on Reddit is currently facing — and her total spend on a wedding she’s attending has made her rethink the amount she wants to give the couple as a gift. In a post that has since been deleted on the forum’s “Wedding Shaming” thread, the bridesmaid listed her expenses and asked for advice on the extra funds she wanted to spend on a gift. “I was planning on giving a close friend $400 as a wedding gift from me and my boyfriend, but I changed my mind,” she wrote. She ultimately decided to reduce the cash value to $300 since she had already exceeded her budget and spent more than $1,500 on her friend’s big day.

The bridesmaid detailed her exact expenses to explain her decision: She spent $1,000 on the bride’s bachelorette party, another $100 (plus alterations) on her bridesmaid dress, more than $200 on bridal party decorations and a bridal party group gift, and $250 on hair and makeup. “She’s gifting us a makeup upgrade if we choose it, as well as a few pieces of jewelry to wear on the wedding day, but I’m financially strapped,” the bridesmaid wrote.

She also explained that she’s seen friends forgo gifts from the couple in similar situations, which made her feel a little better about the situation. “I have a friend who told his groomsmen not to give a gift because they had spent so much, and it must be so nice to not feel that obligation on top of everything else,” she said. The fact that the bride’s family was fully funding the wedding was also part of her decision to reduce the amount of the couple’s gifts, she wrote, before asking Reddit for their opinion.

Anonymous users were quick to take her side. “Honestly, if I spent that much on stuff, there’s no way I’d be giving a gift too,” one person wrote, before adding, “You’ve done enough girl. Don’t go broke because of someone else.” A bride in the comments also chimed in to back up the original poster’s decision. “My best friend/bridesmaid gifted me a set of wine glasses for $40 and I didn’t bat an eyelid. Bridesmaids spend so much these days,” she wrote. “Although some of my bridesmaids gave a hefty cash gift, I never expected that. It wouldn’t have even bothered me if my best friend had just given me a card.”

Of course, we know what Reddit thinks—but what about etiquette experts? According to wedding gift etiquette, the bridesmaid’s decision to downsize her gift was totally correct. In fact, our experts confirmed that the right amount for a wedding gift is the amount you can afford—whether that’s $50, $250, or $500.