Q What do you do with your wedding ring after a bitter divorce? My ring is non-traditional (carved from silver by a local artist) and I love it aesthetically. I want to be able to wear it on my right hand.

But it also brings back memories of an abusive relationship and a painful custody battle. How can I watch all of this without resurfacing trauma? Or could I do something else with it?

Reluctant Ringbearer

A Good question! You said you want to wear it on your right hand so that it is no longer your wedding ring. I believe that the act of wearing it on that hand might take away all the power it now has over you. Maybe it’s as simple as that.

However, if you still look at it and see/feel all the negative things, you need to take it down. Maybe you just need to put it aside for a period of time until it no longer holds its symbolism.

I also thought you could attach it to a chain and wear it around your neck, but you would still feel it every time you looked in the mirror.

Another idea would be to dip it in gold if possible, thereby changing the color (from silver to yellow or rose gold). This could be enough to change your thoughts every time you look at it.

Reader: Does any jeweler out there have ideas for this woman? Please send them to me and I will publish them.

Q My brother-in-law convinced my sister-in-law that they need to return to their country of birth. Their parents brought them to Canada as children for safety and gave them a good life. They found each other through their community (I’m an “outsider”), fell in love, and are continuing to raise a family.

But my brother-in-law is having a lot of problems at work and can’t seem to keep his job. My husband and I believe he has mental health issues that he could address and overcome, or at least work around, but he refuses to believe that there is anything he can do about it. He is a conspiracy theorist and has decided that the whole world is out to get him.

My sister-in-law doesn’t want to go, but in her culture it is not allowed to argue with the husband to that extent. She has been crying to us for weeks. How can we support her without alienating her husband and putting her in danger?

Our children are all very close, but none of them are even teenagers, so their collective voices are still too quiet to carry any weight.

Thoughts?

Don’t go!

A Since I don’t know what culture you are referring to, it is difficult for me to make suggestions without risking offending someone, so please consider my suggestions.

I think your husband could talk to his brother, maybe buy some time, get him some help, and find a way to get his wife and kids out so they aren’t forced to go against everyone’s better judgment (except his).

I fear that his views may be causing more harm to his family and his current residences than he realizes.

Try to shield your children as much as possible, but offer your nieces and nephews the opportunity to stay with you whenever possible, for their well-being and to strengthen the bond with their cousins.

RETURN MESSAGE Regarding the aunt with memory loss (July 10):

Reader: “Someone needs a medical power of attorney as soon as possible. Without it, everyone’s hands are tied. Medical information cannot be shared. Doctors and nurses have an obligation to respect the privacy of their patients.

“Please emphasize this from your own experience. Also important: Some kind of tracking device may be required.”

RETURN MESSAGE Regarding the sex-hungry wife (July 12):

Reader 1: “This man needs a full stress test immediately. Often this problem is a sign that there is not enough blood flow to the lower regions. Hopefully not, but he could have blockages.

“If that’s not the case, she just needs to ‘take care of herself’ without guilt or shame. Some men just aren’t interested, believe it or not! She’s not alone, but many women are too embarrassed to talk about it, and unfortunately, many husbands don’t care.”

Reader 2: “Maybe he has become impotent and is too embarrassed to admit it.”

Reader 3: “The man is either fucking someone else or he’s gay. Any man who doesn’t want to have sex with you will get it from somewhere else.”

“Hire a private investigator and you will get an answer very quickly.”