Wow, cool lobster!

Isn’t it simple! Although we hate to be pedantic (actually, no, pedantry is very satisfying), this isn’t actually a Hummer. That was the brand name for civilian versions of AM General’s High Mobility Multipurpose Wheeled Vehicle (HMMWV), and was eventually sold to General Motors in the late 1990s.

What you see here is a real HMMWV, although it is also popularly called a Humvee because that is not such a memorable abbreviation. Got it?

Uh oh, I sense a history lesson coming up…

In the late 1970s, the U.S. Army wanted a single vehicle that could replace the 1950s-era M151 and a number of other larger trucks. It submitted a draft of specifications, and in the early 1980s three companies – AM General, Chrysler and Teledyne Continental – were invited to build prototypes for testing. In March 1983, AM General was awarded an initial five-year contract to produce 55,000 examples of the HMMWV.

The Humvee first entered service in Panama in 1989 and has since been found on virtually every continent on earth. It is still in use today. In total, 281,000 units were built by AM General and there were at least 17 different variants.

Why is this one on the road with a Wisconsin license plate?

Well, of course, because it’s the perfect family car. Hold off on buying a Skoda Kodiaq, or if you’re in the US, put down that Kia Carnival brochure, because TG has found your perfect, practical family car.

This particular Humvee belongs to Don Wickstrum. He is also known as the fastest pastor. You can read more about Don by clicking on these blue words. He bought this car directly from the military. It saw service in Afghanistan, Iran and Iraq, was returned to service in the early 2000s as part of the HMMWV Recapitalization program and was used as a training vehicle on US soil. Lots of fun.

I need a new newspaper! What are the specifications?

Well, its heart is a Detroit Diesel V8 supplied by GM, which produced around 160 hp when new. It weighs around 2.5 tons, is 1.80 m high, over 2.10 m wide and 4.50 m long. Oh yes, and it has room for, erm… four people.

The theoretical top speed is 70 miles per hour. We say “theoretical” because we drove at full throttle for quite a while and just managed to break 60 miles per hour.

Still, there’s four-wheel drive, independent suspension and portal axles, which allow for 16 inches of ground clearance and tremendous off-road capability. Humvees also have lockable center differentials and inboard disc brakes, while the body is mounted on a steel frame and the drivetrain is raised up into the cab area to provide maximum protection for oily parts.

Is it practical?

Well, there’s plenty of room inside. The raised drivetrain in the middle of the cabin means each passenger sits in a different position. The interior is probably best described as “heavy-duty,” so you don’t have to worry about those pesky kids wreaking havoc on the back seats.

This particular Humvee has an open bed in the back (so technically more boot space than the Skoda) and Don has fitted proper doors, although the canvas roof is still there and flaps a little in the wind. The driving position is perfectly acceptable, there are working seatbelts and we can’t imagine you falling victim to road rage. But don’t ask about the fuel consumption.

How does it drive?

The Humvee is actually very simple and easy to drive. I’m not kidding. It may look like a tough guy, but with a three-speed automatic transmission and extremely light steering, it really is effortless to control. However, the big diesel engine sounds like it’s trying very hard. At idle, it feels like someone parked a dump truck under your feet, and once you’re underway, the gear ratios are so long that it’ll be howling long before you feel the sweet relief of an upshift.

We expect the chunky front end and steep windscreen to be pretty loud too, although the noise from the engine, gearbox and differentials will drown out even your own thoughts. There’s not much soundproofing at play here.

Don describes the engine as a “weak miracle” and you really have to press the accelerator aggressively to get any movement. The steering, however, is the exact opposite – it turns surprisingly sharply and smooth movements are the order of the day. You can see why the Humvee was prone to tipping over in the sand. We can confirm, however, that it is great fun in a snow-covered field.

One of the first things Don did after getting his Humvee running was to change the brake pads. Probably smart. The brakes actually bite pretty well when you first hit the pedal, but if you’ve just test-driven a Carnival, we’d recommend giving yourself a little more time to stop in the Humvee.

So should I buy one then?

Do you know how tough some modern SUVs look? The Humvee is actually Is tough. This thing has been attached to Sikorsky CH-53 helicopters and thrown into the toughest terrain imaginable, so we’re pretty sure it can handle the walk to school. It should be pretty safe too, although we’re not sure Euro NCAP has gotten around to giving it a star rating yet.

The U.S. government has been auctioning off demilitarized Humvees for about a decade, and prices generally start around $10,000 for vehicles in *ahem* good condition. Keep in mind, though, that you’ll probably need a new title and registration, and it would probably be wise to leave enough money aside to buy hearing protectors for the kids.