As I stepped out of the royal family station wagon, I could hear the harmonious sound of bells ringing from a church tower high above our heads.

As the House of Price stood in the shadow of a magnificent cathedral, awaiting the arrival of my mother’s youngest sister for a double ring ceremony for her fiancé, I fully expected Aunt Sharen to arrive in a horse-drawn carriage, accompanied by the cheering applause of a large crowd gathered on the steps to catch a glimpse of the blushing bride.

While the First United Methodist Church in McKeesport, Pennsylvania, paled in comparison to the majestic splendor of Westminster Abbey, it had all the hallmarks of a potential royal wedding, including one of the most beautiful wedding venues in the Pittsburgh tri-state area and music by the King of Rock and Roll, who sadly passed away nearly eight months before the event.

To the wildest imagination of this eleven-year-old aspiring writer, it seemed as if he were attending the coronation ceremony of the next monarch in line to the throne.

Since my soon-to-be uncle was the biggest fan of Elvis Presley—who, remarkably, looked like the perfect impersonator, except for his slicked-back blonde locks instead of jet-black—I’m surprised he didn’t stroll onstage in his iconic white bell-bottom jumpsuit and sing “Love Me Tender” while his groomsmen acted as backup to accentuate the sentimental performance.

Instead, my lively siblings and I strutted down the aisle, snapping our fingers in time to the beat of The Dixie Cups’ “Chapel of Love,” which blared from the sound system behind the colossal pipe organ on the massive balcony above us.

Our amusing shenanigans came to an abrupt end, however, when Mom and Dad stopped to talk to another family member before leading us to one of the many wooden pews that filled the cavernous church space, and we were about to break into a full-blown square dance to the next number on the playlist.

Also, I could have sworn that Dixie Cups were a brand of small, disposable cardboard cups that hang on the wall in public restrooms, because I had just seen one when we made a pit stop at a roadside gas station on the way to McKeesport.

The wedding went smoothly!

Immediately after the pastor introduced Mr. and Mrs. Kenneth Daniel Honick Sr. to those in attendance, the newlyweds strolled down the aisle to the King’s own “Let Me Be Your Teddy Bear” while we lined up with all the other invited guests behind the exit hall, then everyone gathered on the front steps of the massive building to shower the happily married couple with rice as a blessing for fertility and prosperity.

While the lovebirds sped off in a stretch limousine for a scenic photo shoot in Renziehausen Park on Eden Park Boulevard, those attending the ceremony scurried to the church’s basement, which doubled as a reception hall, to kick off the post-wedding celebration until the bridal party arrived on the red carpet.

After introducing the bride and groom, as well as their hand-picked entourage – maid of honor and best man, bridesmaids and groomsmen – on their grand entrance, several short speeches were given before the ceremonial cutting of the cake, which was served with a five-course meal, after which the DJ had numerous family members and other guests shaking their hips to a pre-approved Elvis playlist that included “Blue Suede Shoes,” “Jailhouse Rock” and “Hound Dog.”

Immediately after the popular music genre kicked off with the happy couple’s first dance to “Can’t Help Falling in Love,” the two Farrell cousins ​​​​each devoured a generous slice of sugar-laced wedding cake to provide us with energy for exploring the catacomb-like tunnels in the substructure of the gigantic church.

You will never believe what we found – a real bowling alley!

Not long after Angelo Pomposelli Jr. figured out how to turn on the power switch for the pinsetter, the youngest generation of the Farrell clan was playing a highly competitive game of “Bowling for Pennies” before a loud noise rang out in the pindeck area that sent us running for our lives without turning off the power.

When our adventurous group finally returned to the joyous festivities in the spacious community hall, the master of ceremonies immediately announced the throwing of the bouquets and garters and then called on all single ladies and gentlemen to assemble there for their respective events.

Just moments after turning her back on a group of excited young women teasing each other, Aunt Sharen tossed the color-coordinated bouquet over her head as the intended victims pulled out all the stops to snatch the coveted trophy and claim it for themselves.

Norma Ziegler – the bride’s best friend and maid of honor – saved the day!

But you’ll never guess who caught the garter belt – that stunned sixth grader!

Since I was born with a mild form of cerebral palsy, you might think I would have struggled to get back up after all that chaos. And don’t even ask me why these young greenhorns were allowed to take part in such an activity, because I have no idea who approved it.

Without knowing it, I then had to slide the garter belt up my surrogate aunt’s thigh as she carefully lifted up her dress to the sounds of the Pink Panther theme song.

This shy little youth looked like a deer in the headlights; for I would rather have crawled under one of those wooden pews up in the nave than take part in the provocative scene.

It’s a miracle that I didn’t end up with lifelong scars!