JEWEL SAMAD/AFP via Getty Images; ODD ANDERSEN/AFP via Getty Images; Chris Graythen/Getty Images; Naomi Baker/Getty Images; Clive Rose/Getty Images
Let’s be honest: sport is extremely homoerotic.
There’s nothing quite like seeing the best specimens in the world physically clash with athletes of the same sex, but some competitions are a little more exciting than others.
Because the Olympics always bring the world together through skin-to-skin contact, here are the sports we believe are most relevant to the LGBTQ+ community.
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Dive
Clive Rose/Getty Images
One word: Speedos.
gymnastics
David Ramos/Getty Images
Yes, gymnasts can freak out, but have you ever tried organizing a group brunch with queer people? I don’t need the flexibility of Simone Biles, but I do need a text back, juniper.
athletics
JEWEL SAMAD/AFP via Getty Images
Even the amazing Sha’Carri Richardson can’t hold a candle to the average drag queen when there’s a sale at Sephora.
Pole vault
EvrenKalinbacak / Shutterstock
We don’t need to explain this in more detail, we just need to link to the video in which Anthony Ammirati is knocked to the ground by his huge package.
Seriously, couldn’t the opening ceremony drag artists have taught him how to tuck?
Football (but only women)
Naomi Baker/Getty Images
Women’s soccer is the gayest sport at the Olympics, but men’s soccer is the most heterosexual. On average, it’s a healthy bisexuality.
tennis
Kelly Kline/Getty Images
I don’t know what’s more up and down in this sport – the tennis balls themselves or the players’ attitudes toward LGBTQ+ inclusion.
basketball
Every lesbian is putty in the hands of a woman over 6 feet tall.
Wrestling
This fight dates back to ancient Greece, where athletes wrestled naked because nudity was associated with heroism and was pleasing to the gods.
What, were you expecting a sex joke? How about you try to learn something?
rowing
Soeren Stache/Picture Alliance via Getty Images
There’s nothing more homoerotic than men working together on a boat. And yes, that includes the Navy and your dad’s regular “fishing trips.”
Rugby Sevens
ODD ANDERSEN/AFP via Getty Images
I don’t know how rugby works – I was distracted when they started making full body contact.
Weightlifting
Chris Graythen/Getty Images
When they’re on the world stage, LGBTQ+ gym-goers don’t have to post their workout routines on Instagram.
Soft ball
Xue Yubin/Xinhua via Getty Images
I refuse to believe A league of its ownis not the general women’s softball/baseball experience.
Ride a bike
Andrew Milligan/PA Images via Getty Images
Since no contact and minimal interaction maintains happiness, we call cycling a nature activity.
beach volleyball
Quinn Harris/Getty Images
What is beach volleyball other than the extravagant cousin of indoor volleyball, which likes to hang around the apartment shirtless?
fencing
Ezra Shaw/Getty Images
Two opponents fighting to poke each other with their sticks? No further comment.
