“I feel really great,” says Melody Shari. The entrepreneur, real estate guru, singer and reality TV star, known for seven seasons of the successful OWN series Love & Marriage: Huntsville is all smiles while we chat. She just finished an Instagram Live selling her Seventh Avenue Beauty products and is in the process of packaging products to ship to customers. She has lunch plans coming up soon and has dressed up for the occasion. This meeting in her busy schedule is one of the reasons Shari, a busy working mother of four, feels so good. It’s an easy way for her to make time for herself amidst her many commitments.

“One of the things I often tell women, mothers and wives is to be OK with putting themselves first,” she says. “That’s OK, because we literally sacrifice so many things for everyone else. Other people can call us at any time and we’re there, so we’re here for you. Because I live that every day, I can truly say I’m doing great.”

If you had asked Shari a few years ago how she was doing, her attitude might not have been so rosy. For those who Love & Marriage: Huntsvilleyou know that in 2020, she filed for divorce from her co-star Martell Holt after he was unfaithful to her after 14 years of marriage. And while they’ve been divorced for some time, there have been disputes, as Holt was convicted of domestic violence in the spring for sending threatening letters to Shari. But through therapy, not only for herself but for her children, and the help of a dedicated tribe, she’s been able to move on and be in a positive space.

“I have an incredible support system,” she says. “I have literally positioned myself to say that everyone I have around me and in my inner circle The The individual phases in my life are all solid.”

And with the right team, the right drive, and putting her own needs first, Melody Shari is unstoppable. We spoke to the Alabama native about how she found the courage to end her marriage, why it was important for her children to get therapy after making that decision, and what she’s learned about herself as a mother.

ESSENCE: How do you manage it all? Being an entrepreneur, appearing on TV and making music is no small feat. As you mentioned, you put yourself first, but who do you lean on to achieve that?

Melody Shari: There are two sides to that. First of all, I’ll say I have an amazing team. And it’s so important to have reliable people in your life who are there for you when you need them, who give to you as much as you give to others, and who help you refill your cup after you give to others. So I have an amazing team, an amazing family, and close friends who do that for me on a regular basis. And the other part of it is that I do a lot myself as well. Every second of the day counts; every second is important. I’ve been in situations in the past where I thought, “Man, if I had just gotten up an hour earlier, I could have done that other task,” and I didn’t like that feeling. So now I make sure I get up early and start early, and I do a lot of multitasking, which allows me to get all the things I need to do done.

To what extent were the opportunities that opened up to you a blessing when you took the step on your own after your divorce?

I think a lot of people have said divorce is like death. So when you think divorce is like death, you have to ask yourself where life is going to come from. And for me, the life that was breathed into me when I went through that situation, of course, came first from God. I knew He was with me every step of the way, that He was sustaining my faith, and that I wasn’t afraid. So often we’re afraid of being alone. And I always tell people that being alone doesn’t equal being lonely. So I wasn’t afraid of being alone because I knew God was with me every step of the way. I was also fortunate to be able to use my gifts to help me through my healing process. So through music, I was able to share and express emotions and kind of tell my story. And because I’m on TV, I’ve been able to have this incredibly supportive fan base that supports everything I do and also stands up for me when it comes to prayer. I have a wonderful mother who constantly prays for me and reminds me of who I am and who I belong to, even during the divorce, so I have been able to find those pieces that give me life while I am going through a death.

In an interview, you said that therapy was essential for you and your children. Why was it so important to you to offer your children professional support?

I think when we’re going through something, sometimes we forget to pay attention to the others around us who are also affected by it. It would be naive to think that my kids aren’t going through it just like I am, being hurt, being cheated on, experiencing the pain of divorce. So I knew they might not show it like I did, but regardless, it’s life-changing for them too. I didn’t want my kids to, when they get older, look back and have all these problems. I can’t go back in time. So I didn’t want to look back and say, what else could I have done? And I knew that by sending them to therapy, I’m using everything I know how to use and doing everything I can do. I’m blessed to have the tools to be able to do that. Let me send them to therapy so I don’t create traumatized adults.

I think that’s great. You were in a unique situation when you had your experiences on TV. You’re in therapy, but you’re also a woman of faith. How did those things really give you strength and allow you to move forward freely?

I like that you used the word free, because that’s what it was for me. It was liberating. Television was a public medium and a way for me to share with the world what I was going through, the ups and downs that ultimately led to a divorce. But when you can be free in that regard, so often you see people hold onto things that are just inside them and grow and grow and grow and build. Then you wonder why they suddenly have this breakdown. And for me, the liberating part was that I could selfishly live out loud what I was going through without caring what anyone else thought about it, without caring who thought, “Oh, you shouldn’t share your business,” because of course there are those people too. But I just lived out my truth out loud and showed it to the world, and that was liberating for me.

And how do you pour into yourself?

I mentioned that I’m about to go out to lunch with one of my friends and I have a massage scheduled for later today. So I’m going to get a massage here at my house. I love to travel, so I travel, and that’s also another place of calm for me when I travel and just see other places and experience other cultures. I love being near the water and just finding these different things that bring me peace that only affect me because sometimes we do things that affect everyone. But you have to find the things that you do that are just for you. So when I get a massage, it doesn’t affect anyone else but me. And you know what? That’s a self-love thing. So yeah, I always make sure that I nurture myself, that I give back to myself. I work super hard, so I know how important it is to take care of myself as well so that I can continue to follow my purpose.

What have you learned about yourself through motherhood and the things you have overcome?

Motherhood has taught me that I can love someone more than myself. There are a lot of things that I sacrifice, a lot of things that I do because of my kids, because of my love for my kids. To be honest, even with a divorce, let’s keep it at a dollar. I have three girls and a son. Of course it’s important for the son too, but when you have girls, your daughters are watching you, they’re watching. I didn’t want my kids to feel like this is what love is supposed to look like. I didn’t want them to think, oh, this is what marriage is supposed to look like. So instead they got, wow, my mom showed me what strength looks like. My mom showed me how she left my dad with four kids and started over, and look where she is now. So when they mature, get older, decide to get married, they’ll know, hey, if love isn’t shown in the normal, healthy way that it should be, then I don’t have to stay there.

I think that’s great. And finally, what advice would you give to other women who may have children and are not in the healthiest situation but feel like they need to stay there?

Your children are smarter than you think. And they feel more than you think. They feel the tension, they hear the arguments, they see the tears rolling down your face. Do they deserve this? That’s for you to decide. Do they deserve to think that this is normal? Do they deserve to think that this is love? We have to put ourselves in a position, as I said, where we don’t raise children who will become traumatized adults.