DEAR ABBY: Should I be angry with the father of my unborn child because he is not accompanying me on my trip abroad?
My cousin is getting married in Mexico. However, my partner “Gabriel” is not coming because one of his good friends is getting married on the same weekend.
We just recently found out I’m pregnant, and I’ll be five months pregnant when my cousin’s wedding comes up. My family is going, but they’ve already booked their flights, which are now full, so I’m having to travel around Mexico pregnant and alone.
The night I found out I was pregnant, Gabriel told me he would come with me because he didn’t want the mother of his unborn child to travel to another country alone. However, as the wedding approached, he said he didn’t want to go anymore because it would be expensive and he would miss his friend’s wedding.
Abby, am I wrong to be upset that he doesn’t want to come?
I think I’m more disappointed because I assumed he wanted to be protective in this situation, but it almost feels like he’s choosing his friend over us. I know I’m biased and my emotions are running high, but I really want to be level-headed about this and try to understand it.
— EXPECTING TRAVELERS IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR TRAVELER: Forgive me if this sounds harsh, but you should understand that your partner is self-centered and cares more about spending quality time with his buddy than the future mother of his child. This should be an indication of what kind of husband and father he could be IF you plan to marry him.
However, if your doctor gives permission to travel, your family will be nearby keeping an eye on you, so you should not be in any danger.
The independence you demonstrate now may be necessary for your future with – or without – your partner.
DEAR ABBY: I cannot understand why my mother kept the last name of her ex-husband (my stepfather), who sexually abused me and my sister as children.
She knew all about it after I broke down at age 10 and told her. She stayed married to him for years afterward, and my sister and I lived in the house. Keeping that monster away from me was hell on earth.
Mom has dementia now and I take good care of her. I make sure I have a good, healthy life and good relationships, and also make sure to protect my child from abuse.
I try not to be angry, sad and hurt. I don’t have to think about it every day.
Am I too sensitive?
— SURVIVOR IN INDIANA
DEAR SURVIVOR: Too sensitive? I don’t think so. Your feelings are normal given the circumstances. I admire you for stepping up and making sure your mother was OK when she didn’t do the same for you.
As a victim of sexual abuse, you should have received counseling years ago. If you didn’t, getting counseling now could help you greatly. One place to find what you need is RAINN, the national hotline for victims of sexual assault, which you can reach online at rainn.org or by phone (toll-free) at 800-656-4673.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
