The Times is once again on the wrong side of history!

It is impossible for the mainstream media, and none is as mainstream as the New York Times, a racist-obsessed, left-leaning newspaper that fluctuates between parody and propagandato write about surfing without any allusion to “I think I’m standing in the forest” from 1982.

The Times film critic Glenn Kenny doesn’t waste a second and begins with the words:

Jeff Spicoli, the surf-obsessed truant so memorably portrayed by Sean Penn in The Woods (1982), may have been a fool, but he had a vocabulary. Things he enjoyed were “awesome” or “huge.”

Later in the angry review,

TheThe dolls – with minimally movable limbs – are intended to embody Fanning and some other real surfing stars.

These characters (the animation makes the puppets of Trey Parker and Matt Stone’s “Team America: World Police” look like “Fantastic Mr. Fox”) are acting out a silly story about how a vaccine erased all memories of surfing and a mission to revive the activity. The line “Ten years ago there was a sport called surfing and you dominated it” — emphasized with a swear word — is repeated more times than anyone would enjoy hearing.

And wrapped with,

The climax of the film is when the dolls, many of them with brown slime-smeared faces, fight each other with sex toys. After that, a long surfing section seems to be imminent. The relief is then palpable. But it is short-lived. The doll nonsense soon continues and then, mercifully, the credits roll.

The premise of the film, as you know, is beautiful: we are ten years in the future, a virus has struck and John Fig, played by Vaughan, has developed a vaccine to save everyone, but the vaccine erases everyone’s memory of surfing.

“Mick is a yogi and meditation guru. Griff is a hyper guy who is stuck in the desert and hasn’t seen anyone in years. Wilko is a cowboy, Ando is a ninja, Mason is a volcano guide in Hawaii and Jack is trying to be a rock star but he’s really bad,” says director Nick Pollet.

The idea for the dolls came at Mick Fanning’s farewell dinner, where each guest was given a bobble-head Mick.

“It was on my desk and I was tinkering with it. I ripped the head off, took a Superman doll from my kid, ripped its head off and put Mick’s head on it. Then I started playing around with a green screen,” says Pollet.

For three hundred dollars each, and after much back-and-forth with a factory in China, Nick obtained passable replicas of the cast, including WSL commentators Ronnie Blakey – who is also Vaughan’s brother – and Joe Turpel, as well as surfers Mick Fanning, Mason Ho, Griffin Colapinto, Jack Freestone, Matt Wilkinson and Craig Anderson.

“They all came with a bag of dicks and that’s why there are so many dicks in the movie,” says Nick, revealing a crucial plot line.

Vaughan Blakey was thrilled with the New York Times review and told BeachGrit:

“Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined that the military-industrial complex-sympathizing war propagandists and social elites at the New York Times would look critically at our 90-minute surfing joke about dicks, balls and farts! I’m totally thrilled!”

It puts the thrill into perspective.

“The part where it says we’re not Spicoli kind of hurts, but I think I can handle it. Having fun isn’t for everyone.”

This is not the first time that the Times has been on the wrong side of history.

During World War II, the Times relegated stories about Nazi death camps to the back pages because its Jewish owner, anti-Zionist Arty Sulzberger, believed that European Jews were “responsible for their own deaths in the Holocaust.”

More recently, editorials on the Duke University lacrosse case and the furore over historical inaccuracies in the 1619 Project have tarnished the Titan’s once untouchable reputation to its very last shine.