One of my earliest memories is of watching television.
It’s been a big part of my life ever since I had my own television in my bedroom as a kid.
I watched Degrassi every week in fourth grade, I binged dramas as a teenager, I fell in love with documentaries in high school, and in college I spent several hours a day binge-watching crime shows.
But by my third year of college, television went from an obsession to a crutch. I suffered from severe burnout and almost never went to class anymore.
When I wasn’t working, I spent my days drinking alone and losing myself in the latest Netflix series. That was all I wanted to do.
When I sobered up, I replaced alcohol with television
For years I used television as an escape from reality. Stefano Madrigali/Getty Images
After I quit drinking in June 2020, I became extremely dependent on Netflix to combat my alcohol cravings.
I needed some sort of escape to distract me from the intense physical discomfort that accompanied my withdrawal symptoms. An endless stream of television shows – sometimes entire seasons of a show in one day – was my answer.
It was also my escape from traumatic experiences that I didn’t want to talk about. Having access to thousands of TV shows and movies made it easy to avoid reality.
Instead of going to support groups, I pressed play. I took comfort in the fact that shows, unlike real people, would never harm me or reject me.
The more television I watched, the less social I was.
Finally, I also decided to change my relationship with streamers
After a few months without alcohol, I also decided to give up Netflix and all other less used streaming services.
I made a resolution to go a year without her. One year turned into two when I realized how much it was good for me not to have her.
Instead of lying in bed and binge-watching TV shows, I developed healthy habits. I started exercising and finally spoke up about experiences I had repressed as a victim of sexual violence.
I started dating again and have made and maintained more friendships. I have now been alcohol free for over four years.
I’m grateful that Netflix (plus sodas, energy drinks, and cigarettes) helped me through a difficult withdrawal, but I no longer have an account.
Maybe I’ll do that again someday. Right now I’m just watching documentaries and crime dramas on Hulu, limiting myself to four episodes a day.
