I have met many charismatic people in my life. But why do we immediately think of men when we think of charisma? I have met and spoken with many charismatic men, including Pope John Paul II, former President George HW Bush, and the Rev. Austin Keith Rios, the ninth bishop of the Episcopal Diocese of California. These are all men who walked into a room and immediately commanded attention.

But what about women? I think there are just as many charismatic women, their names are just not as well known. One well-known woman was former First Lady Barbara Bush; this woman, who died in 2018 at the age of 92, had charisma.

Since the Ambassador was not in Rome when the President and First Lady came on an official visit, all details of their visit were passed on to the deputy in charge, my husband John, and he shared some of these details with me. The cables to Barbara Bush said that she took care of her own clothes so there should be a steam iron in her bedroom; she wanted to know how much she should tip her aides; and she would be happy to contact her family or friends upon her return to the United States.

Most likely, she was already friends with the wives of politically appointed ambassadors, but of course not with the upper echelons of the ambassadors. I did not fit any of these categories, but I knew someone who would be happy to receive such a call – my mother-in-law, Bee.

Bee’s love for John, her only child, is best expressed in these lines from WH Auden: “He was my north, my south, my east, and my west / My working week and my Sunday rest.”

Knowing the President and First Lady’s plans and knowing that I would see them at a reception at the Quirinal Palace in Italy on the second night of their stay, I wrote Bee’s name and phone number on a piece of paper and put it in my pocket.

At the reception, the men mostly discussed business, so we women were inevitably put together. Barbara, as I insisted on calling her, was a good conversationalist. After we talked about children and church – I learned that George didn’t go to church because he found the presence of children too disruptive – I plucked up the courage and asked her if she would call Bee.

“Of course,” she said. “I’ll call her the day I get home.”

I knew she would do it and she did it.

The Herald Tribune kept me updated on the President’s itinerary. Late in the evening of the same day they arrived back in the United States, our phone rang. It was Bee, making the first and only transatlantic phone call of her life. According to her, Barbara Bush had said that John was practically running the embassy. (Bee believed every word!) Then she told me line by line what she had said, and then what she had said. I think that phone call was one of the highlights of her life.

Just before she hung up, she said she knew she had always done the right thing by voting Republican.

Jill Holmes lives in San Rafael. IJ readers are invited to share their stories of love, dating, parenting, marriage, friendship and other experiences for our “How It Is” column, which appears Tuesdays in the Lifestyles section. Stories must not have been published before, in whole or in part. Send your stories, 600 words or less, to [email protected]. Please put “How It Is” in the subject line. The IJ reserves the right to edit for publication. Please include your full name, address and a daytime phone number where you can be reached.

Originally published: August 12, 2024 at 12:00